Tuesday, May 20, 2008

WFMW - Fascinating Womanhood

When The Man and I first got together our roles were pretty clear. The Man is no pushover, he's a dominant guy. He likes to be catered to, and frankly, I like to cater to him. It honestly makes me happy to make him happy. Are you throwing up in your wastebaskets?

Sure, there are times when I want to tell him to stick it. Sometimes I'm tired and grouchy and the bitchy side of me rears its ugly head. Like, seriously, does he not know how to use the stove? Did he not notice the garbage was about to overflow? What part of "please put your socks in the hamper" does he not understand?

However, over the years I've learned that a closed mouth gathers no feet so I try to keep my mouth shut. Or at the very least, I try to be nice about it. Or at the very very least, I try not to call him names while I say it.

A few years ago I was watching an episode of Wife Swap and one of the wives started talking about this book, Fascinating Womanhood. This particular wife was extremely submissive and catered to her husband's every whim and desire. I can see how many modern day women might find this to be extreme and I agree for the most part. (I think The Man was trying to figure out how he could run off and marry her.) As hokey as it all seemed at the time, I purchased the book and started to read.

The funny thing is that the book makes a lot of sense. I hate to generalize men and women but I also believe that biologically we are different for good reason. I believe in most cases families work best when women stay home and care for the home and family (it's called nesting, y'all) and men financially provide for the family. I believe that when these roles are muddied there tend to be problems with relationships.

That being said, I don't believe women should lay down like doormats and forget themselves. Neither does the author of the book. Neither do most men, for that matter. I also realize that there are some cases where women go out and have fulfilling careers while men do a perfectly wonderful job being a stay at home dad. I know it works for some people. It doesn't work for us, though. I wouldn't want to go off to work for 8, 9, 10 hours a day while The Man stayed home and cleaned toilets.

The Man cleaning toilets..... hmmm.... it is sort of a nice picture....

No, seriously. I wouldn't like it for very long.

I will admit, it's not always easy to follow the principles of this book. I still work, even though it's inside the home, and I don't always say things in the nicest way. For the most part, however, The Man and I keep our roles pretty clear. We like it that way, it's what works for us.

For more Works for me Wednesday tips, check out Rocks In My Dryer!

PS - Have you commented on my free book giveaway yet? What are you waiting for? :)


girlmomx3 said...[Reply to comment]

Works for us too! I like taking care of my Man and he likes working and being able to take care of us!


jskell911 said...[Reply to comment]

While I love taking care of my man, I also must work full time. Good thing he also loves taking care of me. To him, I am a strong independent woman, who forgets to put her own needs first, so he does it for me. While I love to spoil him like crazy! This mutual looking out for each others' need is what works for us! Thanks for the great post!

Bahama Shores Mama: said...[Reply to comment]

My mom says we have traditional roles like it's a bad thing! We love it and it works for us. Good to know we're not alone!

marigold said...[Reply to comment]

Hmmm, sometimes I need to hear these things! I like to think that I spoil my man, but I probably don't. And I don't think that he dotes on me enough, either. Maybe I'll check the book out from the library.

mah-meeee said...[Reply to comment]

ah... well i think that every couple have a special combo that makes things work.

with hubby and i, we've always been struggling with the traditional and the contemporary. he still wants me to work and yet still do all the traditional chores at home. so i put my foot down when we had the second baby. now, he helps out much more with the baby (he'd rather do that than the household chorse.) but it works for me!

Wani said...[Reply to comment]

LOVE the quote on your header! The Princess Bride is one of my all time favorite movies!

Tara said...[Reply to comment]

Thanks for the reminder lol I needed that. I could do more in this department!

Laura said...[Reply to comment]

Thanks for standing up for women and men being different. I totally agree that we just have different natural roles and strengths, which doesn't detract from what we CAN be successful at, but what naturally works the best doesn't change. Thanks again for voicing that opinion.

Sarah W. said...[Reply to comment]

I found your post very interesting.....because my husband and I have traditional roles (which is my preference).....and now I wonder if that is one of the main reasons we get along so well. I never really realized that until I read your post, but now I am thinking that a lot of marital conflict is over who does what (and who isnt doing enough, etc).
Fortunately, I happen to enjoy "domestic" things such as raising our children, cleaning, etc. And, more fortunately, I have an amazing husband that helps out so much. But when he does, I consider that a blessing rather than his job. Which makes me like him all the more.
Sorry this comment is so long, but it gives an explanation for what i see in other marriages yet cannot explain! (Does that make sense?)