Conjunction Junction... What's Your Function?

To the person who Googled "i have a bloodshot eye and gook comes out of it" and found my blog:
If you can still see this, please, stop Googling and go see an optometrist! You have a wretched case of conjunctivitis.

I know this because I, too, have had the conjunction junction. Back before the wonders of LASIK I wore my contacts all the time. I mean ALL the time. I slept in them for nights on end and merely put a few drops of saline in my eyes in the morning. I could make a 6 month supply of Acuvue last 3 years.

Then one day I woke up with a bloodshot eye that leaked gook. It was itchy, it was light sensitive, it made me miserable. I had a male roommate at the time and he drove me to the University infirmary. They didn't know what to do with me so they sent me to the University Hospital.

A young eye doctor finally saw me after I spent over an hour weeping gook onto my roommate's shoulder (he was a really good friend in hindsight) and when he looked into my eyes with his very painful bright light he simply said

"Oh Sugar." (Except he didn't actually say "sugar" ifyaknowhatimean.) Then he briskly walked out of the room, saying nothing to me.

Roomie and I looked at each other in shock. This couldn't be good.

Dr. Tact came back in a few minutes later and slapped a big sign on the door that said "QUARANTINE". I kid you not peeps.... this really did happen.

The fun thing about conjuctivitis is that there's really not much you can do about it other than use some soothing drops and lie in bed wanting to die. It just plain sucks. It's also highly contagious. My roommate was so pleased.

Luckily, roomie did not get the conjunction junction and neither did any of my friends. I also got an extension on all my exams that semester. Score!