Thursday, March 31, 2011

The snake got out of the box, Ryan.

I can't really say Ryan Reynolds was ever my hero exactly, but he's easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean. I don't have a lot of actor crushes, honestly, but I don't mind watching a couple hours of him. I didn't really notice him until The Man dragged me to see X Men in the theater and he came on screen as Deadpool. Yeah. You should see that if you haven't.

Anyhow, so then I made a point to watch some of his other movies and I wasn't disappointed. Just Friends, Definitely, Maybe, Adventureland, The Proposal, all entertaining movies. Nothing I'm going to jump up and down about or tell people they just have to see it, although the scene in The Proposal with Betty White and Sandra Bullock in the woods is something I've told people they had to see - oh heck, let me show it to you.


But back to Ryan Reynolds.

So I watched Buried even though it seemed like it was going to be a boy movie and I'm not much for explosions and dirt and grime and all that junk because I figured The Man would like it and I'd get to look at Ryan Reynolds the whole time.

Except you can't even really freaking SEE him! It really is in a dark coffin the whole movie. No flashbacks, no seeing other people outside of the box, and the lighting is pretty much what you'd expect from the inside of a coffin. And the movie itself really sucked. Setting aside the fact that it's horribly unrealistic, because that's about 95% of movies anyway, I didn't even really care if he ever got out of the stupid box, to be quite honest. I mean, you'd think I'd actually care if he got out of the box, right?

And where the hell did the snake go?? The snake got out of the box, Ryan.

Which made me wonder if maybe I've been duped by Ryan Reynolds. Maybe I've been fooled by his glistening, pretty boy, ridiculously cut exterior? Maybe he sucks as an actor? Because if he couldn't make me give a damn whether he was buried alive or not, then I can't say much for him. I mean, I'd pretty much not want anyone to be buried alive... but about an hour into Buried I was sort of hoping the box would just cave in so I could turn it off and go to bed.

The budget for the movie was $3,000,000... to film a man in a box. I could have filmed this movie for $20 with HandyCam. I can't imagine how that money was spent. Maybe it all went to Ryan, I don't know. There are starving children in the world and Hollywood is spending 3 million dollars to film a man in a box. I'm just glad we saw it at home and not in the theater because if I had unloaded the amount of money it costs to go see an actual movie on this, I would have been livid.

Critics loved this thing, too. And I'm not one to poo poo on indie films and Sundance gems and all that stuff. I love a quirky independent film and I'd have had no problem with the whole man in a box thing the whole time if the man in a box would have at least been a little likable. But all in all, you just get the impression that he's an ass.

You let me down, Ryan. I am disappoint.

PS - I guess I should mention that this is Day 14 of the 30 day meme - Write a letter to a hero who has let you down. Although not in actual letter format, the same principle applies.


Bonnie said...[Reply to comment]

Beth - I just love your blog! I love you too!

the_happy_hausfrau said...[Reply to comment]

I am so glad you gave me the heads up on this one. And I HOWLED at the Betty White/Sandra B. scene. My kids and I loved that movie.."all the bitches crawl". LOL.

P.S. Deadpool? Yum.