Wednesday, March 23, 2011

What I hate about myself

In an effort to tell writer's block to piss off, I'm going to start a 30 day meme. I've copied it from another blog and maybe it was copied from somewhere else before that, I don't know. I'm not sure I'll do all of the prompts or if I'll do them in order of if I'll do one every day. I'm not that much of a rule follower.

But here goes:

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.

You mean, besides my ridiculously slow metabolism? Shall we go deeper than that?

This one is a toss up, really. Because if I could solve one of these things, the other wouldn't be a problem.

1. I bite off more than I can chew. I do it all the time. Recently it was taking on Bug's schooling. If I didn't work all the time or do girl scouts or attempt to clean my house or do the fifteen loads of laundry a day my family somehow creates or sleep, then I probably could have done a great job with Bug's school. But instead, I tried to do it all. And I failed at everything.

My business was hurting because I wasn't working enough, girl scout meetings were being thrown together the day of the meeting and the girls were suffering for it, my house was a disaster, there was so much laundry piled in front of my washer and dryer that I literally couldn't walk to them without causing a possible injury, and poor Bug wasn't getting the kind of attention he truly needed to succeed in the 5th grade.

So something had to give. And since Bug's education wasn't something I could play around with, that was the one that went. And I can't tell you the relief I felt when I knew that I would be able to hand his education back to a real bona fide teacher that knows what the heck she is doing. Something I probably should have done back in October when I started to get the idea that maybe I wasn't going to be able to do it as well as he needed me to.

2. I have terrible time-management skills. And see? If I could just get this one figured out I might be able to chew everything I bite off. Or if I could stop biting off more than I can chew I could probably figure out how to manage my time. It's a catch 22, really.

When I was growing up my mother had a saying.

"Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance"

I can't believe I wrote it here. I can hear her in my head. I'll be able to hear her in my head for the rest of my life, I know it. She had a few sayings, but this one was the major one.

My mother is not a procrastinator. She used to set the Thanksgiving table the day after Halloween. Christmas presents were bought, wrapped, and hidden by the time school started.

It must have killed her to have me for a kid. I am the queen of procrastination. I think this blog was started because I didn't want to clean the kitchen. Blogging is a fabulous form of procrastination, don't you think? I never did a school project until the Sunday before it was due. I never did a chore until my parents practically dragged me across the house to do it. My motto was always more like "Why do something now if you can put it off until later?" I mean, something might happen between now and later that would make the whole thing not even necessary, right?

This attitude has not served me well.

I've had good days, before. I've found "systems" that help to keep me on track. And they work for a little while. But eventually I go off track.

So one or the other... if I could stop trying to do it all or if I could just figure out how to fit it all into the 24 hours that I get every day, I think I'd be okay.

Now I should probably get some work done and stop blogging.