The Spaz deals with nosy thrift store shoppers

While I'm out shopping for inventory I get a lot of funny looks from regular thrift store shoppers.  When I'm pushing around a cart packed full of clothing, people tend to give me the eye.  I get plenty of comments.

"Wow, you sure found a lot!"
"You must have been here all day!"
"I never find that much when I come."
"You must have a really big family."

And sometimes the questions start.

Over the years I've come up with some interesting answers in my head. I usually don't actually respond to people with these answers... usually... but I just can't help my smart-ass brain.

"Is that all for you?"

Yes, I'm buying an entire shopping cart full of thrift store clothes in assorted sizes because I have a rare genetic disorder that causes me to gain and lose weight at shocking rates.  I must have clothes ranging from size 2 to size 22 because I never know what size I'm going to wake up as.

or

No, these are for my life-size dolls. I have a hard time making real friends, but they love me all the time and they like it when I dress them up in pretty clothes. I think Matilda will love this Oscar de la Renta, but it may be a little tight on her. She's a bit hippy.

"What are you going to do with all that stuff?"

I'm going for a Guinness record for the world's largest quilt made of designer clothing.  Are you going to buy that Custo top? I love to use those funky designs for my patches.

or

I have a shopping addiction. My husband said he'd leave me if I stepped foot in the mall with the MasterCard again, so we compromised with thrift stores. Did you know you can get purses for FIVE DOLLARS in here? 

or

I'm trying to get on that show Hoarders but I don't think I've got enough junk in my house yet, so I decided to pick up some more.

"Are you going to sell those?"

Oh my GOSH! Who would think to sell USED clothing? Do you think people would actually buy it? 

But for the most part, I just smile or pretend I didn't hear them. 

I used to tell people that I sell on eBay, but that either cued a long discussion about their sister's boyfriend's great-aunt who sells on eBay or a whole new barrage of questions about how I do it or disgust that I'm taking Ralph Lauren evening gowns from the needy and selling them for profit.

So now I just try to pretend I didn't hear them or didn't understand the question. Or sometimes I just laugh, like that question must have just been a joke.

My full cart also gathers a lot of lookie-loos.  Sometimes I'll leave it at the end of an aisle to delve further into the depths of long sleeve tops or something similar, and when I get a few steps away from it, I'll notice someone starting to go through it.

"That's my cart. Bitch, back off before I cut you."


"Oh, this is your cart? I thought it was the store's."


"No, it's mine."


And you know what? Sometimes people, while having this little conversation with me, continue to go through the cart.


They'll eye an extra-small cashmere cardigan and hold it up, after I've already pointed out that it's mine, and sort of eye me up and down. 

Yeah... I know I'm not a size 2, Ms. Obnoxious Rudenstein... but I just ordered a tape worm from South America, so I'm hopeful.

Just last week I was in my very favorite thrift store when a woman nearby got my attention.

"If you find any Chico's, let me know!"

I buy a lot of Chico's stuff as it sells fairly well, but if someone were looking for something specific and I found it, unless it was some amazing "holy grail" type of find, I'd be more than happy to give it to them. 

So I asked her what size she was looking for.

"Um......" she looked around, "Well... it doesn't really matter what size because I have a lot of friends and they all like Chico's."

Yeah. I don't think so, lady. If you're going to buy stuff to resell, I'm certainly not going to do your work for you.

I'm thinking of developing a habit of muttering to myself under my breath and scratching my head often.  Then if someone touches my cart or asks a question I don't want to answer, I'll just growl at them like a crazed animal and drool a bit.