Roller Girl I am not...

Today I'd like to tell you all a little story about a skating party.

Munchkin had a birthday party to go to on Sunday and this birthday party was at a skating rink.

Now, back in the day, it was not at all uncommon to find me rocking a pair of roller skates at the rink. I was never one of those good skaters that could skate backwards and shuffle and all that good stuff, but I could hold my own. The Man, on the other hand, is that guy. If you were a rink kid back in the late 80's you know who I'm talking about. That guy was older, maybe a Junior or Senior in high school. He danced around the rink on his black speed skates and avoided all rink catastrophes with ease. His hair literally flowed in the breeze he created with his own skating velocity. He was sometimes accompanied by a slightly awkward girl who appeared to adore him... and rightfully so.

The Man is that guy. He loves a skating rink. Couple that skating rink with some Trinere, Debbie Debb, and Freestyle (and "Because I Love You" by Stevie B for a couples skate) and The Man is really in his element.

So when Munchkin was invited to a birthday party on Sunday and it was at the rink, we decided to make a family day out of it. I was inwardly thrilled because the birthday girl and many of the birthday party attendees were also part of my Munchkin's beloved Girl Scout troop and I love those little monsters like they're my own. Seeing them all on skates could only be awesome.

I wasn't going to skate. I figured I'd be the shoe watcher and picture taker and enjoy a nice afternoon watching everyone else zip around the rink. Munchkin took about a half hour to get her bearings on the skates but before long she was moving pretty quickly around the rink, laughing and even trying out some basic tricks. Bug took to the wall for most of the afternoon, but had a good time and cautiously made his way around on wheels. Goober, however, was quite the spaz. He takes after his mother, I guess. :)

The Man spent much of the afternoon skating backwards and pulling Goober around the rink, and even though I know he was cherishing every moment of teaching his youngest how to find his balance on the skates, I could see that little Goob was cramping The Man's roller king style. So I donned a pair of rink skates and took my little Goober out myself.

Now, I said before, I'm not backwards skater. And after a good 20 years since I held any real regularity on skates, I was in no position to start. So Goober was going to have to skate around at my side.

And it was going well at first. We made it a couple of times around the rink and we even managed to pick up some semblance of speed.

Until he tripped me.

And it happened in slow motion. First Goober went down. And I tried... y'all, I really really tried to stay up. But it was inevitable. I was going down. And I landed hard right on Goober's skate.

So I sit here today, typing to you, my dearest three readers (mom, dad, and person who Googled something strange to land on this page), while leaning to the left in my seat. Because my arse literally has a purple patch the exact size and shape of a wheel on it and my thigh has a shockingly blue/black/red/purple skate sized monstrosity of a bruise and it all hurts. You honestly wouldn't believe how often you use your ass in your daily life. Really.

And the Spaz family? They can't wait to get back to the rink. I kid you not.