Saturday, May 3, 2014

Here's to not giving a rat's ass.

I came across this blog today and before I had even really started reading I stopped in my tracks at one paragraph.

"I feel absolutely no obligation to be aesthetically pleasing to others.  Oh don’t get me wrong, it is always nice when someone refers to me as beautiful, but I don’t feel it defines me or adds any value to me as a person.   Now admittedly, mostly women are expected to be beautiful, or at least aspire to beauty.  Women are often seen as prizes or trophies measured by their beauty.  I want more from my life than being aesthetically pleasing."

I want to read it again and again because I think it's a message I need more than ever.

I've reached a point in my life where I'm not young. Sure, compared to some people I'm "young" in years, but I'm beginning to notice things about myself that are decidedly not young person things.  I have gray hair. Lots of it. I shudder to think what my head would look like if I stopped dying my hair. My body aches - sometimes for no apparent reason. Fillings in my teeth just fall out sometimes. They just get old and crumble right out. I need glasses. Now, I've always needed glasses or contacts - but now I really need them. I used to be able to compensate my way around if I didn't have them. Now I stumble around blind looking for them.  Most of all, I can't lose weight like I used to be able to. I've always been chunky, but since I've been on this side of 30 I just can't seem to use some crash diet to lose 10 pounds anymore. So I just keep getting fatter.

Fat has stopped me from doing lots of things. It stops me from wanting to reconnect with old friends who remember me in my younger, thinner days. It stops me from wanting to meet new people. It stops me from going on adventures, from sitting in questionable chairs, from going roller skating with my kids. I'm working hard to stop letting it stop me from doing things. Because I do want more from my life than being aesthetically pleasing. I'm worth more than that and those people that get to know me don't give a damn how much I weigh or whether my hair is gray or whether I took the time to put on mascara. Those are the people that matter.