Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Midlife crisis: take 2

So my last post was pretty depressing and this one might not be much better. I haven't posted since then because frankly, I just don't feel like I have all that much to say. Do you really care what my Top Ten favorite snack foods are? I never wanted this blog to turn into a load of useless drivel or a forum to advertise "mom products" or whatever. It was meant to be a place for me to write. It has followed a bit of a mommy blog pattern because that's really what my life has been about since I had my kids. Like most moms, I guess.

Being a mom is great. Probably the greatest thing I have ever done. Probably what I'll be remembered for within my family. I feel like my identity is so wrapped up in being a mom that I've forgotten who I am. Who would I be without them?

Scrolling through Facebook today and I came across a post that said "Have you ever wondered by mirrors flip things horizontally, not vertically?"

Nope. Never even considered it. Because I don't wonder things anymore. I don't ever take the time to just wonder and think and ponder. All of my brain power is used up remembering things I have to do and places I have to be and things I need to pick up from the store. I have no time to think about bigger issues or things that "really matter" because by the time I feel like I can stop doing all the necessary tasks for the day and I've made my mental list of all the things I need to do the next day, my brain is tired and the only thing it's good for is watching something stupid on TV that doesn't require much thought.

It makes me sad for The Man sometimes... he likes to talk about big things. He is interested in things and wants me to be interested in them, too. And I used to be interested in things and be able to have intelligent conversations about them. Now I'm just waiting for him to stop talking about physics so I can remind him to call the washer repairman in the morning.

With this totally full but yet so empty head, I feel like I have nothing to contribute, nothing to write about, nothing to say that matters. I'm not even sure where to begin to combat this issue - does it just stay this way until my kids have grown up? Will my brain come back? Will I just be a "mom" forever with no real thoughts or cares of my own? Has anyone gone through this and come out the other side? 

I don't mean to be a downer, y'all. Really, I don't. Overall, I'm not an unhappy person. I'm just somehow bored and busy all at the same time.


Anonymous said...[Reply to comment]

I am right there with you, though my youngest child is the only one at home and I am not busy enough. My sweet husband wants me to stay home for the next couple of years, but I am losing my mind slowly. I have started looking for a part time job -- it doesn't have to be a career, but just something to add structure to my day/week. Have you thought about this as a possibility?
Lots of my friends are hitting (or have hit) the empty nesterish (kids in college, so not totally sprung) stage and were stay at home moms. They have already or plan to do just that. Pick up a job that gives them something to do, without heavy expectations.
Or they are looking for a career/change the world opportunity. For me, cause I still have one at home, a part time job sounds just right
Good luck.