Saturday, December 22, 2007


I was reading Julian's Care Page today and I'm having such a hard time with the injustice of the world. Why should a beautiful little boy like Julian have to endure so much suffering? What is the purpose? Is there a purpose? Is it to teach us a lesson? Is it because Julian himself has done something to deserve such suffering (surely that can't be the case)? Maybe those who love and are close to Julian have some lesson to learn?

But why should such a lesson be taught through an innocent little boy?

And why should I be so lucky to have three amazingly beautiful children who are healthy and active and have no problems at all? It's incredibly unfair... but then again, life isn't fair. Is it?

I don't read Julian's page every time it's updated because I can't control my tears. I can't keep myself together when I think about it. I wish there was something I could do... for Julian, for his family, for all the children suffering in the world. But I sit here feeling helpless. We don't have a ton of extra money to donate, we don't have a ton of extra time.

But my children do have a Christmas tree loaded with presents under it and they'll have a wonderful Christmas... just the sort of Christmas I want to provide for them... just the sort of Christmas I always had as a child. I can't shake the terrible guilt I feel for giving my children such a wonderful experience when there are so many children who are sick or living in poverty or living in abusive situations.

I feel helpless and I'm not sure what steps to take. And I wonder what good I could really do? And to what expense to my own children?

Bug made a difference this Christmas. He donates his Club Penguin coins to help sick children every day. I knew nothing about it but when he told me he was doing it last night I looked into it. I'm so proud of him for caring. I'm so proud that he is so willing to give.

Here's our Christmas picture this year. I'm so proud of my 3 little munchkins.


(To read about Julian, go to and set up an account - you have to have one to view his page - and type in juliansworld in the search... and get a box of tissues.)