Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Spaz's Day Off

Yesterday was The Man's birthday. We celebrated it on Easter Sunday with my family who sang to him and made him wear a funny hat. Thank goodness we did, too, because yesterday became known to me as

The Day When Nothing Would Stay In My Body For More Than Ten Minutes

It all started at 5:30 am when I was rudely awoken to that lovely hot saliva thing that happens right before I'm about to hurl. I willed it away for about 30 seconds before I realized there was no willing it away. I was about to hurl.

You know what pisses me off about puking at 5:30 in the morning? There's no one to hold my hair back or baby me. The Man slept soundly while I wretched. It didn't even phase him. My groans of discontent as I got back into bed went unheard.  And then when the alarm went off at 7, I was still expected to get up and take Goober to school, wake Munchkin and Bug up, and make sure the day still went as planned. Or at least make sure the children made it to school. That was really the only important thing.

Sure, I could have shaken him awake on his birthday and said "Get up, Mister. I'm sick and you're on duty."

But what kind of martyr would I be if I did that?

At any rate, I did manage to make it through the day, thanking the heavens above that my kids are now old enough to pretty much take care of themselves and even make their own freezer pizza for dinner.

I spent the day wrapped up in a blankie watching Lindsay on OWN and Gossip Girl on Netflix. Don't hate. I did attempt to get a little work done, but the effort needed to get anything done was great. It was mostly about Lindsay Lohan and Blair Waldorf - all day long. And during the day, I asked myself some questions.

1. Why does the cat meow incessantly for me to pet him and then lay just out of my reach?
2. Why don't I remember eating that?
3. If Lindsay has a personal assistant, why doesn't he make sure to get her anywhere on time?
4. Have I lost weight today?
5. What do people from Manhattan really have against Brooklyn?
6. Why has no one invented a closet that washes and dries the clothes while they're on the hanger?

It's a great idea, really. Someone needs to figure that out. I'll be the guinea pig.

At any rate, today I'm feeling.... better.... still a little off but so much better. I'm planning on getting some work done today and doing a few errands so I sincerely hope I don't spread this funk around too much while I'm out.


the_happy_hausfrau said...[Reply to comment]

dang girl. Sorry you were sick! BUT..guffaw out loud at "have I lost weight today?". I feel as light as a bird after a bout of sick. Until I put my pants on :(