Does everyone have mornings like this or is it just because I'm a Spaz?

So Sudo takes a ride with us every morning to drop Munchkin and Goober off to school. The other morning we all piled in the minivan and were ready to set out on the 5 minute ride to the elementary school when I turned the ignition and realized I had hardly any gas in the van.

"Jump out, kids, we're taking Daddy's car."

So we all piled into The Man's SUV and were off to the school. We pulled into the drop off circle and stopped in front of the entrance. Munchkin hopped out of the front seat with nary a look over her shoulder and was off. Goober, on the other hand, found difficulty with the door and therefore took way longer than is typically allotted in the drop off circle. That's what I get for spoiling my children with a minivan with automatic sliding doors. At any rate, by the time he actually got out of the car I was so nervous about getting out of the way of all the minivans that were piling up behind me that I accelerated a little too fast and hopped up on the curb.

Now, in actuality, I'm sure the tire barely even raised on the curb and perhaps no one even noticed.  But in my head I had driven up on to the sidewalk like the Dukes of Hazzard with reckless abandon.  I was horrified.

I pulled away, avoiding eye contact with the car that pulled up next to me at the light exiting the school, lest they be giving me the evil mom stink eye (you know the one), and drove home.

Upon arriving home I unlocked the front door and stopped.

Something was wrong. It was... quiet. And that's when I realized Sudo was no where to be found.

Frantic, I ran out to the front of the house and saw him, ears perked and goofy doggie grin on his face, sitting in the front seat of the van waiting for his ride.

Good thing dogs don't hold grudges.

It's a wonder this dog made it as a stray for the first part of his life...

This week is FCAT week which means the kids have no homework after school.  Which means it's a free-for-all when they get home.  Every day this week they've been playing with their neighborhood friends who either come to play in our yard or they go to play in their yard. Ah, childhood...

Yesterday they went over to play at their friends' house and poor Sudo was going crazy being trapped inside the house when he knew his kids were outside the house.  He whined at the door, he barked, he cried.  Finally, I got off my ass decided to take him outside. I opened the front door and Sudo shot out like a rocket. 

And then I heard the fight.

Something screamed, Sudo snarled and growled, bushes were moving all over the place, spit was flying.  I thought it was going to be the end for the dog.

When I called out his name, he stopped and turned to look at me, and that's when the little bandit made his escape.  Up the tree, went a fat, nasty, probably rabid raccoon.  (Yes, the dog has had his shots.) And poor Sudo, dimwitted as he is, could not figure out where he had gone.  Nose to the ground, Sudo covered the entire yard trying to find that raccoon.  And that raccoon was watching him from about 20 feet up the entire time.

That's when I noticed the overturned garbage can.  The garbage can that is supposed to be "raccoon proof"... except it isn't when your kids don't bring it all the way up to the house and instead park it on the grass and therefore it is easily pushed over by sneaky little bandits.

Mr. Raccoon had been feasting on our rotten castaways. Disgusting little creatures.

So I retrieved a shovel from the garage and shoveled the trash back into the trashcan (no, I'm not touching it), and righted it, securing the lid tightly on top.  Then I scolded the raccoon (who was still perched in the tree and keeping one eye on me and one on clueless Sudo) for getting into my trash.  I don't think my lecture made any impact.

This is when Munchkin came riding up on her bike.  Wet.  And covered in mud.

"I fell in the canal."

Lovely.

At this point, I'd welcome those white coats...

Today was one of those days when you just look skyward and think "Really? Can I just get a little break?"

First of all it was cold.

Now I don't want to hear about it from you northerners. I'm frigging cold. I don't care if you're colder or if I'm a wimp because temperatures in the 40s and 50s aren't cold enough for me to warrant complaining. I'm a Florida girl and when the mercury drops below 70 I'm not happy about it.

Second of all, the kids have been out of school since the 18th of December. Two weeks of them being with me all the time, coupled with the holidays have pretty much set me on the brink of insanity. They go back to school tomorrow and I swear I'm going to hear choirs of angels singing when I drop the last bugger off in the morning.

And then this evening it was just one thing after another. First I attempted to get them to clean the bathroom. The Man's brother will be over tonight to watch some stuff on the TV with The Man and I attempt to at least make sure the bathroom he has to use isn't too gross. He's not picky - thanks, E! - but I try to at least make sure he doesn't have to be accosted with a floater or anything. That's the kind of nice sister-in-law I am.

There was whining and gnashing of teeth and complaining over all of that for what seemed like FOREVER. Finally, the bathroom was "clean"... according to their standards. But whatever.

Then the dog, who I'm loving a whole lot less these days, chewed up my Zafu (meditation cushion) and little wheat husks or whatever that thing was stuffed with went all over the floor. So I cried a little and attempted to not kill the dog and Bug (the sweetheart that he is) cleaned it up for me so I wouldn't have to see it. I love that kid.

Next we had to get to the grocery. We're all in the car and ready to go and Goober says to me "Mommy, I only have one shoe."

Of course you only have one shoe. Why would I assume you'd have two shoes on your feet when you get in the car???

So back in the house we go to get two shoes.

Then, just when they're getting ready for bed and I'm thinking the day is finally going to be calm, I hear "Mommy, Sudo pooped on my library book."

I'm done, y'all. Absolutely fried.

But you know what? I do this all to myself. Somehow. I know this, because I see other women who have three kids (sometimes more!) and a dog or some other animal and they're not crazy. They manage to have clean homes and their kids get to bed on time and their dogs don't poop on the library books or chew up their Zafus.

I think it's time to break out the iron fist. And the alcohol.

Sudo strikes again

This morning I was desperately trying to get all 3 kids ready for school and poor Sudo had to go out to go potty. So I did something irresponsible. I told Bug to just open the door and let him go out. We typically don't just let him go out by himself since we don't want a replay of what happened in January. But I had about 20 seconds to get Bug to the bus stop and I just didn't have time to watch him.

So Sudo didn't run off and get picked up by the pound... but he did bring back a surprise.

I'm not sure if I can explain the shock at first glance on this one.

Notice how the baby is covered in grime. I have no clue where he resurrected it from... I think it was Munchkin's baby when she was 2 or something.... which means it must have been buried underneath a bush or something... for 5 years.

Ugh... I picked it up and threw it back into the yard for now. I just didn't have the heart to get rid of it since he seems to darned attached to the disgusting thing.

How long do you think it will take for him to forget it exists?

UPDATE:

The Man put Sudo on the tie out this afternoon. When I went out to get the kids from their bus stops this is what I found:

Yeah...

The post in which I break the law

This morning I decided to skip the dog park (where Sudo has taken to running away from me for about 20 minutes every day when I say it's time to go home... it's getting embarrassing) and head to a local nature preserve to take Sudo for a walk.

It was beautiful this morning, in the mid 50's, sunny and crisp, and Sudo was super excited to start walking the trails. He spent most of our walk with his nose to the ground taking in all the new smells. Then he stopped and looked up.

So then I did, too. Sudo was looking at thin air... or perhaps a branch he thought might be tasty. I, however, spotted this...

Not really... I stole that from a background site somewhere on the Internet... For future reference, I should remember to check the batteries in my camera before going out.

We spent a good 1/2 hour perusing the trails, we ran, we sniffed, we enjoyed the cool air on our faces. There wasn't another person or dog in sight... it was as if we were deep in the middle of the untouched Florida landscape. It was refreshing.

It was sort of inspiring to start our day by spotting our national bird. I realized most of the places we walked he could see us from his perch atop that dead tree. Then I wondered if he was eying Sudo... because I read once that a bald eagle could carry a deer fawn... and Sudo sort of looks like a deer... so we decided we should probably conclude our nature walk.

Oops.

What do you mean I don't talk about the kids anymore?

As I mentioned before, I've been taking Sudo to the dog park. The true joy he experiences there at the park is like nothing you can imagine. We went to a couple parks before we found the one we truly feel at home at and Sudo has finally earned a place among the regulars.

Because yes, there are regulars at the dog park.

We've met Sabrina and Cocoa and Max and Sunset and a handful of others whose names I can't quite recall. Sudo loves them all. He has no problems playing with the largest dogs or the smallest. He often takes several minutes running along the fence separating the large dogs from the small dogs with a toy poodle or a miniature schnauzer. He has no prejudice. Anyone who will chase him or allow him to chase them is his friend.

Today Sudo found a mud hole while I was distracted talking to another dog owner. Before I noticed he was going in he was already in it. Oh the mud must have felt so good to him. I was so happy to let him in the car after that.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love this dog? It's true... he's captured my heart, this little furball. I never considered myself much of a "dog person" either. I always loved cats and couldn't understand why someone would want a pet that had to go outside to use the bathroom even when it's raining or cold or in the middle of the night. I vowed I loved cats because you could fill their food bowl up and leave them for the weekend.

But now... I will gladly pay $20 a day for him to be housed at the pet nanny if we go on vacation and I find myself enjoying the view of our yard frequently while saying "Go potty! Good boy!"... because I love this dog.

Hopefully this is the last time I find myself telling anyone how great their doody is...

We picked up Sudo from doggie jail on Sunday. The poor guy spent the remainder of the day and evening on Sunday looking traumatized and miserable. Not only had he endured a near week long sentence but in the end he lost a most important part of his anatomy. Poor guy.

His spirits have picked up over the past couple of days though. He's also made it quite apparent that any house training advances we had made in the near three weeks we had him before his imprisonment have gone straight out the window.

It wasn't long ago that I remarked to a friend of mine that I was so happy that the only poop I had to deal with any more was my own. I spoke too soon. I find myself in almost the same situation I found myself in while toilet training my kids. Back then I carried around M&Ms as bribery for going poo in the potty and now I carry around Snausages as bribery for going poo in the front yard. Today while waiting for Munchkin's bus to come Sudo went poo right there and I had the distinct pleasure of telling him what a good boy he was, giving him a treat, and carrying his poo all the way home in a little baggie. I'm sure all the other moms at the stop are so envious of our new pet.

Return of the Spaz

Okay, so I haven't posted in almost 3 weeks. I'm alive, really. I've just been doing stuff. Sorry, y'all. I'll try to never leave you for so long again. :)

To recap the last few weeks I'll try to be brief. I probably won't be successful, though. :)

December 23rd - You can read about the dog here. Later that day we left the dog (who we barely knew) in the house while we ran out to the store to pick up a last minute Christmas gift. The dog evidently freaked out while we were gone. No real damage was done but we learned that the dog had a bit of separation anxiety. The Man decided "Marley" was not a good name for the dog and the dog was thus unnamed and mostly called "Puppy" by the kids.

December 24th - Christmas Eve - We had to get The Man's dad to babysit the dog while we drove to Orlando to have dinner at my sister's house. We followed the directions that The Man's GPS gave us and got sort of lost in Orlando. Which seems to be a theme for us every time we go there. So we were late. But whatever.

December 25th - Christmas Day - Somehow the kids let us sleep in until almost 10 AM. They must have been so exhausted from the night before. It is the only Christmas Day so far that the sun has gotten up before the kids. Yee haw. We took the unnamed dog with us to The Man's aunt's house where everyone gave him lots of love and attention and about three billion names were suggested.

December 26th to December 30th - The kids begged me to take them to Toys R Us so they could spend whatever money they had received as Christmas presents. I found myself hopelessly addicted to Guitar Hero, so much so that I found myself playing with hand cramps at 4:00 AM while everyone else was asleep.

December 31st - New Years Eve - The kids went to party with their cousins and The Man and I ate chicken wings and cheese and fruit and drank champagne in our family room while watching the ball drop. We also played a few rounds of air hockey on the new air hockey table that his dad got us for Christmas. He beat me every time, as usual.

January 1st - We dragged the kids home and I attempted to put the house back together. I was unsuccessful.

January 2nd - We again took the kids (and the dog) to The Man's cousin's house so they could play with their cousins while we went for a Russian themed dinner at my aunt's house. My aunt outdid herself and all the food was great and we really had a lot of fun. My 97 year old grandmother was a bit confused at all the commotion.

January 3rd - The Man named the dog "Sudo" which has something to do with computers. People assume we mean "Pseudo" when we say his name. We had a birthday party for my youngest niece who turned 4 this month. Munchkin finally got the hang of riding her bike without training wheels and I sort of cried a little watching her go. She rubbed it in her siblings faces pretty well, though, which dried up my tears.

January 4th and January 5th - I tried to stay away from Guitar Hero and put the house back together. I was unsuccessful.

January 6th - The kids went back to school and I went to traffic court. Back in August I received a speeding ticket and The Man pulled some strings and arranged for the officer who wrote the ticket to dismiss the charges. All I had to do was show up to court and walk up to said officer before the session started and introduce myself so he knew who I was. Except I couldn't remember what the officer looked like. At all. All I knew was his name. So I attempted to read all of the name badges on each of the officer's who were hanging out in the hall outside of the courtroom before the session and I couldn't find him. I was a little panicked and hoped maybe he just hadn't showed up. Then I heard another officer call to him. "Hey Rogers!" My officer had been holding his clipboard over his name badge the whole time. He was the one officer I couldn't read. I introduced myself and he asked the court to drop the charges. It was a beautiful thing.

January 7th and January 8th - I tried to stay away from Guitar Hero and put the house back together. I was unsuccessful. Oh, and our fridge officially died.

January 9th - The Man and I took Sudo to the dog park to play with other dogs. He had a tremendous amount of fun and I was constantly paranoid he would try to mate with a female dog.

January 10th - I made an appointment to have the dog neutered and chipped and vaccinated.

January 11th - Sudo escaped and did not come home. The kids cried. I drove around and searched for him. Finally around 10 pm I looked on the Animal Care & Control website and saw his dopey picture up there.

January 12th - I went down to Animal Care & Control when they opened and attempted to get the dog back. Unfortunately they deemed that the dog was not legally mine and his "real owner" could still come claim him. So poor Sudo was kept imprisoned in doggie jail. We were allowed to place a "source adoption" on him so when his 5 days is up they'll neuter, chip, and vaccinate him and we'll be allowed to take him home.

January 13th - I got into a minor altercation with another car in a parking lot. I was pulling into a spot when the guy next to me opened his car door while I was still moving into the spot. Crunch.

Said guy's wife claims this is my fault because I was still moving when it happened. Police report has their name first. No one got a ticket. The Man and I planned to fix the damages on our own and their damage was not even able to be seen.

January 14th - I found another matching (and working) fridge on craigslist for a super bargain. We packed up the kids and again drove them to The Man's cousin's house so we could drive down to Davie to pick up the bargain fridge. We dropped them all off and then we needed to put the seats from the van into her garage to fit the fridge in the van. I tripped over an uneven part of the walkway. It was one of those trips where you think you can just take a couple of quick steps and recover, yanno?

Except I couldn't... but once I had already taken a couple of quick steps I was sort of committed to my plan of trying to recover the trip. So I sort of tried to jump for the recover. Except that didn't work and therefore I had to sort of run to recover. Except that didn't work so I sort of ran into the van. Hard. With my face... and neck... and chest... and more. And then I hit the ground. And then I couldn't breathe. And The Man thought maybe I had broken my neck. And then when he realized I was going to live he asked me... "What the hell was that?!!"

And we laughed.

And laughing hurt.

And then we had to go move a fridge.

On the way down to pick up the fridge I get a call from parking lot accident guy's wife who tells me that it rained last night and rain got into their car because the door is off. Would I like to get a copy of the estimate myself or would I like her to just submit it to my insurance? I used my standard "I need to talk to my husband" excuse and got off the phone with her.

Today - I feel like I've been hit by a car. Except for I feel like the car hit me, not the other way around. The Man is disappointed he didn't get it all on tape since he swears we could win the $10,000 from funniest home videos. He keeps laughing... but I don't think it's very funny today.

I still have to deal with accident in the parking lot lady but I'm calling my insurance company first. Good times.

Smelly... but sweet

Friday night it was pretty late when I was washing dishes and heard a bark outside our kitchen window.

We don't have a dog and we've never had a dog so my first assumption was that one of our neighbor's dogs had gotten into the yard. Since their dogs aren't typically the nicest of dogs I nervously called to The Man to check it out.

He turned on our porch light to see the happiest little face out there just wagging his whole body and hoping for someone to feed him.

So I gave him a hot dog... and then I cooked him three eggs. Yes, I cooked him three eggs.

Saturday night the kids were at my mother in law's house and The Man and I decided to go to the drive in. We watched 2 1/2 movies (another story for another entry) and got home pretty late.

As we pulled in the driveway, the sweet little dog was sitting in the middle of our driveway seemingly waiting for us to get home.

So I gave him the butts of the banana bread and a hamburger bun.

Yesterday I bought some Kibbles N Bits and now he's happily eating it.

The kids have been playing with him all day.

Other than him being pretty smelly and without a collar of any sort, he appears to be somewhat taken care of (neutered) and very good with people. If we were able to keep him securely in the yard I'd put up signs but since I can't be sure he'd be here if his owner called I won't do that.

If he's still here on Friday we'll take him down to Animal Control and see if he's chipped. After I give him a bath.

**Edit**

After thinking about the poor 10 year old little boy that just might be looking for his dog right before Christmas I decided to pack up the kids and head down to the Animal Rescue League today to see if he's chipped. We've found that he's not chipped and also not neutered (they're just really small). So.... I filed a found dog report and if no one calls about him within 2 weeks we'll go ahead and get him chipped... as ours.

At this point we've let him in the house and he's sleeping peacefully at Bug's feet. Time for a bath. :)