Top Ten Tuesday - Songs That Bring Me Back

Today's Top Ten Tuesday is extra special to me. I love music, almost every different genre has a place in my heart. There are so many songs that take me back to my young and wild and free days that it was really hard to come up with just ten - so I went with the ones that evoked the most carefree emotion within me. The ones that I can listen to, close my eyes, and envision my younger self loving them. Without further adieu, I give you the Top Ten Songs That Bring Me Back.

**Disclaimer** Clicking on links within this post may not be work safe. I did not link to only clean versions. :)

1. Slick Rick & Doug E. Fresh - La Di Da Di  (1985) - I discovered this song on a cassette tape I pulled out of a discount bin at a little store in the mall with my grandmother when I was in 5th or 6th grade, at least a few years after it was released. It was one of those various artists compilations and it opened my eyes to rap. I listened to this tape over and over again until I had all the songs memorized (The Show, Rapper's Delight, and more) - but the one that stuck in my head more than any other was La Di Da Di. When I was in high school, Snoop Dogg released his own version (Lodi Dodi) and I shocked my boyfriend by knowing all the words practically immediately.

2. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit (1991) - It may be a little cliche to put this on a Top Ten list, but I just have to. Nirvana opened the door to Alternative/Grunge music for me and Smells Like Teen Spirit was the song that did it. It was the anthem of my early high school years. One of the things I'm most glad about is that I got to see Nirvana in concert at Bayfront Park my junior year of high school. I lost a contact and a K-Swiss sneaker in that mosh pit, fought with my boyfriend causing me to miss part of the set, and still consider it one of the best concert experiences of my life. (Sneaker was retrieved by a crazy guy friend, thanks Drew, wherever you are!)

3. Pixies - Debaser (1989) - I'm sad for anyone who didn't get to experience this band. The Man acts like I'm personally stabbing his eardrums whenever I pay The Pixies so I don't listen to them nearly as much as I'd love to. Debaser is one of those songs I can clearly remember losing myself inside on a car trip with my parents - my Walkman playing it over and over again. I felt like a hero to my friends for discovering The Pixies before they had and giving them all the gift of their melodious awesomeness.

4. The Cure - Just Like Heaven (1987) - I fell in love with The Cure in 9th grade because I loved a boy. He was a senior and he was beautiful and he loved The Cure. That boy barely knew I existed and barely looked my way, but The Cure stayed with me, never once letting me down. Robert Smith was the face I woke up to every morning of my high school years, a giant poster taped to my ceiling. The Cure could bring me through every range of emotion from ultimate sadness to such pure happiness - truly a song for every time in my life. To this day The Cure remains probably my favorite band of all time.

5. Led Zeppelin - Thank You (1969) - There was a good portion of my early high school years that Led Zeppelin was the main event on my Walkman. It was a tough call between this song, Kashmir, and The Rain Song - but in the end I had to give Thank You the edge up. When it comes on, I instantly smile and my day is brightened. I'm instantly transformed to a time when I could live inside my headphones.

6. Weezer - Say It Ain't So  (1994) - This is the kind of song that I can never turn off. It's the kind of song I'll sit in the car for an extra few minutes to let it finish if it's on. This song takes me back to my little red Honda Civic, driving all over town, and belting out the lyrics as loud as I could. I found kind of an epic remix of it while checking out images for this post, too.

7. Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It (1995) - This song was playing in all the clubs the summer of 95, my first semester of college. I had never been much of a clubbing type of girl before then, maybe because I was barely 18 but also because I identified myself as much more of an Alternative style chick. But I was away from home, in college, not really knowing anyone and my dorm roommate liked to go dancing. So I guess I figured, what the hell, and off I went to the club. It didn't take long before I was a bit of a club junkie and this song was my club anthem.

8. Less Than Jake - Jen Doesn't Like Me Anymore (1995) - I was lucky enough to be at the University of Florida just before Less Than Jake blew up. When I was in Gainesville, Less Than Jake was a great local band that played at all the clubs in the area and was frequently seen around the town. When I went through my angsty teenage piercing phase, it was Roger Lima who pierced my tongue. It's almost like I feel like I know them, they were so approachable back then. This particular song takes me back to all the new excitingness of my first year at college - smoky clubs, cheap beer, and my world being opened up.

9. Big Punisher - Still Not A Player  (1998) - This is one of the few songs I actually enjoy the censored version more, Big Pun definitely takes me back to a time when I was young, carefree, and in it for the fun. This CD is actually in my van's CD player right now, but the kids make fun of me when I car dance while we're driving. Seriously, how can you not get up and move your ass to this song?

10. The Crystal Method - Busy Child  (1997) - The Crystal Method was my introduction to Techno. This is probably the song I blew my speakers to in my car. This bring me back to a time when I couldn't have enough sparkles in my make-up, my pant legs were wide enough to use as a sleeping bag, and Adidas visors were a way of life. This was my last stage of youth before I had children so it holds an extra special place in my heart.

So many other songs could have made it to this list, The Breeders, Belly, The Beatles, other bands that start with B... but this isn't called Top Twenty Tuesday (thank heavens) so I had to narrow it down.

The FitBit Is Trying To Kill Me

It really is.

So now I've had the FitBit for a little over a week and I have sustained more injuries from walking than you would have thought. Walking, y'all. This is something you do every day.

The day after Christmas was the first day I really focused on meeting my 10k step goal with the FitBit. After the whole day of trying to get steps in, I dragged The Man out to walk with me at night and we both rejoiced when my wrist went all nutty with vibrations and lights letting me know I had reached my step goal for the day.

Unfortunately, I awoke the next day with my right ankle throbbing in pain. I don't know if I twisted it or if my poor ankle was just in shock from increased physical activity, but I could barely walk all day. It wasn't until almost 11 pm that I realized if I walked in place it didn't hurt. So I marched in front of our bedroom TV and watched reruns of Family Guy until midnight, getting in at just under 7k steps for the day.

On Sunday my friend, N, got herself a FitBit, too, and the next day we started a Work Week Challenge.

See, FitBit has these challenges where you can link up with your other FitBit wearing friends and compete against them. So N and I ventured into a challenge with W, our super competitive FitBit wearing friend (it's cause she's Asian - kidding, not kidding), to see who would get the most steps from Monday until Friday.

Monday we were meeting at F's house (another bestie) to celebrate her son's birthday and decided we would walk at the park across from her house after dinner. Everything was going great and I calculated that I only had to walk around the park 3 more times to meet my daily goal when N decided she had to use the potty. We figured we'd walk back over to F's house and it would just be more steps and she could use the potty.

Except when leaving the park, my right foot found a parking stump and my ambitious forward motion was not to be stopped in time. I ate pavement, so to speak. I really didn't injure my legs too much but I scraped up my hands enough that it kind of put a damper on me wanting to walk any longer. I know, I know - walking doesn't require your hands. Tell that to my bruised ego.

On Tuesday things really got serious, y'all. I ran. Running happened. It was almost midnight and I was just trying to reach my 10k goal. I hit it in time but then it got into my head that if I just kicked it up a notch I could hit 11k by midnight. So I ran. RAN. I haven't run in years.  And you know what happened?

Wednesday was New Year's Eve and W and N were totally kicking my butt in our challenge. We were planning a quiet night at home like we do every year so I figured I'd have some time to get in some steps. When about 10 pm rolled around I decided to run up to the little gas station near our house and fill up our water jugs. We're on well water and we don't think it tastes yummy so we fill up big 5 gallon jugs for our water cooler at home. It's a pretty common practice out where we live so there are little filling stations all over the place. The gas station was closed, but you can fill up your jugs at any time, so I rolled up there and started filling. I discovered it takes 3 laps around the walkway area there to fill up one jug. Score more steps!  Before I left the gas station, I synced my FitBit and noticed that despite all of my extra steps, W had pulled ahead of me once again! A renewed sense of determination overtook me.

I walked in the house, snapped a leash on the dog, and told The Man I'd be back before it was time to kiss him for the New Year. I didn't even give him time to think, just walked out the door. It's creepy walking in our sub-rural area at night, by the way, and the addition of fireworks going off all around me from various locations didn't make it any less so. But by the time the New Year rolled in, I had clocked over 17,500 steps. Not too shabby. 

But still not enough to overtake W, who evidently is a freaking machine. I literally didn't stop my legs from moving until the ball dropped, but I couldn't pass her. I resolved to get her the next day.

New Year's Day N and I made a game plan. But first it was time to procure FitBits for F and another friend, J. Our competitive obsessiveness was catching on. It's a FitBit revolution, y'all. 

Armed with new pink bands, N and I walked around a preserve while our girls rode at the barn. While we were there we not only passed W, but we checked her Facebook notifications and saw she was at the movies! That's great, W, you just sit down and take a load off and enjoy your movie. 

We both got our crazy "you met your goal" buzzes just at the end of our walk, but I couldn't stop there. After dinner I dragged The Man out for another 2 miles, thinking for sure I'd be able to lengthen my lead in front of W in the process.

She's like the Energizer Bunny, the Little Engine That Could, and the Road Runner all wrapped into one amazing, competitive, Asian package, y'all. Not only did she bridge the gap N and I had created, but she passed it. Every time I got a few thousand steps ahead of her, she'd run out and walk five thousand more steps and overtake me.  

Yesterday I decided not to kill myself. Okay, today my incredibly sore body and slightly blistered feet decided not to allow me to kill myself. I went on a walk with my dad earlier in the day and he got me clear over 7k steps by the end of it. Later that evening I knocked out the rest of the steps by taking a little walk here at home. I conceded to W in our challenge, but let me tell you what - nothing has ever motivated me to get out and walk more than this. My body is tired and sore and I'll still push to walk just to get those five little dots to light up. Who would have thought?

Where The Spaz Ponders Gender Equality

I'm more critical of Munchkin - more so than the boys. I'm not sure why, but I think I expect more from her as a girl. Perhaps because I am a woman and I know what pressure society puts on women to be successful in all aspects of life so I put that on to her. Maybe that's the natural order of things. I find that with Munchkin, I often hold back compliments and push her to be better, whereas with the boys I'll tell them what a great job they did at the smallest little things. This is probably something I should be working on changing with myself.

Case in point: About a year ago Munchkin and I were at Girl Scout Camp. It was a rare moment that she and I were sitting in our unit house at one of the picnic tables by ourselves with no one else around. She was reading a book and I was just sitting, resting my feet or catching my breath or something. I found myself looking at her and I couldn't help but think how beautiful she is. Her perfect nose and freckles and beautiful blue eyes. The little pout of her lips and her wispy blonde hair. She doesn't realize she's beautiful, either, and it's almost better that way because she has no sense of vanity. She likes to dabble in the world of make-up and hair products, but she'd rather get down and dirty at the barn than keep a manicure looking perfect. As I gazed upon her, I couldn't help but think how amazing she is - a better version of myself - kinder and more talented than I ever was at her age. She has an uncanny ability to succeed at whatever she puts her mind to.

So I sat there, absolutely in love and in awe with my daughter, amazed that I had made such a perfect girl filled with all of the qualities I would have ever wanted my daughter to have - and I opened my mouth and said

"You've got dirt on your face."

Yep. Mother of the year award - it's all mine, ladies.

I'm sure there's some psychological explanation for this, but I wonder if it rings true with other mothers of daughters and sons. Are we all harder on our daughters than our sons? Or is this just me?

The world expects a lot from women and doesn't give them a lot of credit for doing it all. Today's young girl is expected to do well in school, be helpful at home, be charitable and volunteer her time. She's expected to move on to college where she is expected to prepare herself for a good career. She should build this career and somehow settle down with a partner and have children simultaneously. Her home should be clean, her appearance should be immaculate, her children should be well-mannered, and she should volunteer her limited time with her children's PTA or dance studio or football team. She should have well rounded meals on the table every night and she should never, ever make it look like this is difficult for her to accomplish.

I realize that as a society these norms are changing, but these expectations for women still exist. Check any Pinterest board and you'll see it - the pressure our society puts on women to be perfect.

So I'm harder on Munchkin than the boys. It's something I need to work on. It's not right and it's not fair. My heart swells with pride at her accomplishments... just looking at that picture above brings literal tears to my eyes. But I find that I don't tell her enough how proud I am of her, how fantastic she is, and how glad I am to have her as a daughter.

Top Ten Tuesday - Things To Accomplish In 2015

It's the New Year's edition of Top Ten Tuesday so I'll be predictably listing the Top Ten Things I'd Like To Accomplish In 2015 - shocker!

1. Organize my house - Y'all, it is total chaos up in here. We've got too much stuff and too many people and it's taking over. I think we might be able to be a candidate for Hoarders except I'd be the only person on the show ever that told them to throw it all out. I would need no psychological intervention, I would simply need one of those amazing 1-800-GOT-JUNK trucks to back up to my front door and I'd start pitching it all in gladly. Buh bye.

I've tried the FlyLady system, I've tried the "Clean It All In One Weekend" system, I've tried everything that I can do by myself so now I'm moving on to the "Get some of these other people to pick up after themselves" system. I think it's going to require a lot of nagging and bitching on my part but I don't care. It's time to change this. 2015 will be the year of the purge.

2. Get back on eBay - Haha, if you've ever sold on eBay you know that this directly contradicts the year of the purge. To tell you all the truth, I miss it. I miss finding great stuff to list, dealing with those awesome customers who make me smile, watching my auctions close and seeing how high I can sell something for. I don't miss the crabby customers and eBay's oppressive hand, but you can't have everything.

3. Paint more - I really do love it. Whether it's at a BYOB class, at home, or on the patio with my friends, painting relaxes me and feeds my creativity. I don't think the paintings I'm making are anything amazing, but I'm happy to create them anyway.

4. Get healthy - So tired of feeling tired and lethargic. I was told earlier this year by an RN that I am super anemic which could be the source of a lot of my constant tired feelings. Just about a week ago I discovered that Bolthouse Farms makes a juice called "Daily Greens" and one bottle has almost 100% of the RDA for iron. This is HUGE.

If you've ever tried to find high in iron foods at the grocery store you'll notice that the best you might find is 10% in a can of vegetable beef soup. Believe me, Munchkin and I took this mission. It's a wonder every person in the USA isn't anemic based on how much iron you find in our every day foods. You have to eat a lot of iron rich foods to reach that RDA.

So anyway, I picked up a bunch of Daily Greens (I clean bought Publix out of it) and I've been drinking a bottle almost ever day (some days I forget). I won't lie, it tastes like dirty hay, but I'll choke it down anyway if it makes me feel better. And it has made me feel better, really. I need to be more diligent about it but I'm definitely noticing more energy. That, combined with trying to make better choices and keeping moving with my FitBit has me feeling good about being healthier this year.

5. Do yoga - Yoga not only helps my body, but my mental state. I used to do it almost daily and then fell out of practice. Since then I've gained a ton of weight and the poses I used to do are so much harder to do so I just sorta stopped altogether. I have to get back to yoga. Namaste.

6. Get to the Dharma Center - We have a great little Buddhist Center close by and I have never been. I guess I felt intimidated going to a new place, but I really want to get over there. I had made tentative plans with an old friend of mine that I had reconnected with on Facebook to go this year but sadly, my old friend Kymmie passed away before we could ever make it. I want to go this year for me and for Kymmie.

7. Dance more - It's true. I love to dance. I've got the boogie fever. I don't get out much anymore to go dancing but that shouldn't stop me. With my fancy new Crushers I can boogie right here at home while I do the dishes. It makes me feel better, makes me smile, and helps burn off the Toblerone.

(7 1/2 - stop eating so much Toblerone.)

8. Start a new business venture - Details coming later. Maybe.

9. Keep my car clean - Oh my goodness. I got a new to me van in April and vowed to keep it nice and clean. It's not as much of a disaster as my old van, but she could seriously use a good vacuum and purging of miscellaneous impedimenta. I need to set up some sort of a system there. It will probably involve 31 bags and more nagging of my children.

10. Spend more time with The Man - It seems like lately a date for us is going to the Walmart at 2 AM without the kids. So romantic. We get a bunch of necessities and then I fall asleep on a treadmill while The Man looks through the sporting goods section. We really need to carve out a little more time just the two of us and this year is the year to make that a priority. Date night? What? Sounds like a plan to me!

FitBit in Spazland

We had a very Merry Christmas here in Spazland. The day was filled with excitement from the late afternoon on Christmas Eve until we all collapsed exhausted into our beds in the wee hours of the morning on December 26th.

I was the proud recipient of those Skullcandy Crushers I had on my wishlist (I can't hear the kids at all anymore - it's amazing) and the FitBit Flex I have wanted for forever.

The FitBit has become a bit of an obsession. December 26th was the first day I wore it the entire day and I was determined to get my 10,000 steps in. Now, my phone has always had an app on it that tells me how many steps I've taken each day and it sadly normally falls between two and three thousand. I realize I don't carry my phone around with me every where I go - but I was pretty sure I don't hit ten thousand steps on a regular basis.

I was right.

I went about my day on Friday as I normally would and was still under four thousand steps when the evening rolled around. The Man and I decided to go for a walk in which I was determined to finish off my goal. We walked for two miles and I still hadn't reached it. Even Sudo was tired after that walk. I ended up walking around the house until my FitBit went all nutty lighting up and buzzing to let me know I'd reached my goal.

GOOOOAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!

Somewhere along the way I must have damaged my right ankle, though, because I woke up on Saturday barely able to walk at all. It wasn't until after 11 pm that I realized walking in place (or walking backwards) didn't hurt. I got myself up to over seven thousand steps by walking in place Saturday night while watching Family Guy reruns in the bedroom.

Now I've got myself locked in a FitBit challenge with two of my FitBit wearing besties on who can take the most steps for the work week. One of us is currently on a hike with our cub scouts. It's not me. I'm screwed.

But the ultimate goal with the FitBit is definitely being accomplished. I'm moving a lot more and definitely motivated to try to get close to my daily goals if not meet them (my ankle's feeling much better today so I'll be walking more this evening).

Top Ten Tuesday - Last Minute Gift Ideas

It's December 23rd. A mere two days before the big event. I've shopped til I've dropped, I've wrapped, I've selected the perfect gifts and the not-so-perfect gifts. At this point, I'm just ready to heavily imbibe on Christmas Day and hope everyone sorta likes what I picked out for them.

But I'm willing to bet there are a few of you out there who are still racking your brain for some idea of what to do for someone. Maybe it's Aunt Agnes or maybe it's that guy your sister is bringing to Christmas (what was his name again?) and you feel like he should have something to open. Today's Top Ten Tuesday post is for you. Today I bring you the Top Ten Last Minute Christmas Gifts. 

Here goes....

1. Mason Jar Anything - It's a thing, y'all. People put anything in a Mason Jar and call it a gift. Mason Jars are so freaking in right now.  The ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies? Put them in the jar. Sugar hand scrub? In the jar. Manicure kit in a jar, soup mix in a jar, sewing kit in a jar, puzzle in a jar, the possibilities are endless. And people like the jars. Get blue tinted jars if you really want to be crazy.

2. Money In A Card - Nothing says "I couldn't think of a thing to get you but I guess you're worth Fifty Bucks" more than money in a card. This gift is totally tacky for anyone over the age of 20, but it really hits the spot for teenagers. They love money and they hate getting a polo shirt for Christmas. So drop some cash in a silly card and call it a day. Your nephew will totally be thrilled. If you just can't stand the thought of putting the green stuff in a card, give an Amazon gift card instead. It's pretty much cash (and it'll pass for an adult gift, too).

3. A Bottle Of Wine - Pick it up at the grocery store on your way to the party. Don't give this to the teenagers. If you want to get crazy, download some wine app on your phone and it'll tell you which bottle to buy. But I just usually pick something with a quirky label. You can usually find a silly wine gift bag next to the wine at the store. Grab that, too. Kick it up a notch and buy full fledged booze instead. Cupcake vodka, what?? You're now the life of the party.

4. A Blanket - Super fuzzy, super cozy, everyone uses them and you can never have too many. You can pick them up at Walmart, Target, the mall, I even saw some at Publix the other day. Blankets give people a sense of comfort and they come in all ranges of cost to fit whatever budget you're looking for. No one doesn't want a blanket. Even kids. Munchkin drags a blanket around with her everywhere and has since she could walk. She's cuddled up in one right in front of me as I type.

5. An "Of The Month" subscription. Some of these can get pretty pricey, but damn, you really can find something for everyone. Bacon of the month, Coffee of the month, Teddy Bear of the month, Pickle of the month, College Care Package of the month, and if you can't narrow it down there are Variety of the month packages. And you can also keep reminding your gift recipient of how awesome you are, every single month. Win.

6. Headphones - Pretty much everyone uses headphones. Everyone's got a phone, a tablet, whatever and they're all listening to something they don't want anyone around them to know they're listening to. Headphones are a great gift and you can get decent ear buds for kids for less than $10 or you can go all Beats by Dre for hundreds. I've got a pair of Skullcandy Crushers on my own wish list this year.

7.  Baked Goods - I don't know if I'd call these last minute but my kids disagree. Probably because time is irrelevant to them. At any rate, everyone loves a good cookie and they'll appreciate that you took the time to make them yourself. For extra points, use this Pringle can hack to deliver them.

8. Massage or Spa Day - This isn't the perfect gift for everyone, but if you know of someone who likes to do this kind of thing, this just might be the right last minute gift for them. Maybe a mom who runs herself ragged most of the year? A gift of a time-out might be just the thing. Not for me, personally, though. People touching me is weird.

9. Car Wash - Anyone with a car can use this and would probably greatly appreciate it. A coupon for a car wash and wax - a detail if you really love them? Cha-ching! There's nothing greater than a freshly cleaned car with lemon scent. I learned that at a young age from my mom.

10. Experiences - Give your little brother a couple of movie tickets to take his girlfriend out. Maybe your nephew would like a day playing paintball (check Groupon). Go out to the ballgame with your dad. A trinket will give them a little joy for a little while, but the memory of spending time with someone they love doing something they love will last forever.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and here's to a Peaceful and Prosperous New Year!

Take In The Sails & Batten Down The Hatches - Things Are About To Get Rough In Here

This year my kids turned 11, 13, and 15. Just looking at that sentence makes my heart leap into my throat just a little bit. As is clearly indicated by those numbers, I'm venturing into uncharted territory. I'm about to be raising three teenagers.

So far Bug hasn't given me too much drama. Sure, there have been a couple of girlfriends and getting him to do homework has been a nightmare - but basically he's a pretty easy going kid. I like him, we get along pretty well, he has good intentions if not always the best carry out. His 15th birthday was a mere 5 days ago and I've been holding my breath a little ever since.

The year I turned 15 was the year I really became a teenager. I struggled with my identity, I fought for my independence, I rebelled, I stopped riding horses so much and I started riding in cars with boys. That was the year I stopped being a little girl.

I wonder if maybe boys don't go through quite as much of a tumultuous year at this time because Bug seems to be a lot less emotional than I was at this age. I am bracing myself for it, ready to help him navigate whatever crazy teenage angst comes our way, but relieved that we haven't hit it yet.

Munchkin, on the other hand, is sailing her ship straight into rough seas. Everything is dramatic. Everything is the end of the world. Everything is the biggest deal EVER.  This morning she let me know she only has two pair of jeans that fit her and they were both dirty and therefore she just couldn't go to school because it would be social suicide and how could I not understand this?  I made it clear to her, in no uncertain terms, that she was much better off at school in dirty jeans than here with me.

While I realize that these little dramatic episodes are not the worst thing I can hope for when dealing with a teenage girl, I feel like it's a glimmer of what's to come in a couple of years - when she's 15. I'm going to need a life jacket.

Top Ten Tuesday - I Can't Wait Til After Christmas

So maybe Top Ten Tuesday is the ONLY thing I can manage to keep up with. I've started a few blog posts this week but nothing stuck. Ah, well. On to the list!

Top Ten Reasons I Can't Wait For December 26th

1. Christmas Music - It starts way too early nowadays. Remember when stores used to wait until after Thanksgiving to assault you with constant renditions of "Grandma Got Run-over By A Reindeer" and "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"? Right, so I used to be able to last a month. But now they start around November 1st when I'm snatching up all the half price Halloween candy. So by December 10th I'm ready to wear earmuffs everywhere I go just to avoid another version of "The Little Drummer Boy" before I lose it and go to jail for bashing in department store speaker systems.

2. Gift Exchanges - I have three children and they all have activities. It's around the beginning of December that we start to get requests for gift exchanges. Often they have a small limit of $5 or maybe it's a book exchange or an ornament exchange. But they are many and they are irritating. Just the simple fact that I now have to drop whatever I am doing and go into a store (cue "Frosty the Snowman") and find something that's not too terrible for $5 is enough to make me crazy. And then it has to be wrapped or in a gift bag or something. Do the people planning these gift exchanges think the kids actually have any part in this at all? And then my child comes home with an Olaf mug that asks if I want to build a snowman.

3. Expectations - This year we have told the kids we are not buying Christmas presents. I made this proclamation at about this exact time last year when I sat in the middle of our family room, surrounded by hundreds of dollars worth of consumerism and wrapping paper. It is ridiculous. This year we are focusing on giving rather than receiving and the kids have been told this all year long. However, they will still get presents from their grandparents and aunts and uncles and they know this. So I think the lesson may have been lost on them. But the saddest part of it is that I think it's all our fault as their parents. We try so very hard to provide them everything they wish for this time of year, like it's their right just for wishing it. I have a great time buying presents for the kids, I do. But when I realize they are going into the holiday with expectations of receiving everything their little hearts desire, I realize they have no real comprehension of the meaning behind Christmas.

4. Traffic - Down here in South Florida this is our season. Everyone who has been freezing their asses off wants to visit Florida for the holidays. Down here we can go to the beach on Christmas Day. We can shop for gifts in our flip flops and drink iced tea in a tank top next to the holiday light display downtown. Everyone wants a piece of that and they all drive down here to get it. Unfortunately they don't know where they are going and their Aunt Margaret who has a condo in Boca Raton can barely see over the steering wheel so she's no help. About this time of year we have no rush hour, we have rush week. Except it's a lot less fun than it was in college. The roads are packed with slow drivers, the malls are packed with slow walkers, and if your procrastinating self thinks you can just run in and grab a gift for that gift exchange you've got going on tonight - well you should just think again.

5. Self-righteous Christians - I'm probably going to get crucified for this one. Unless I'm going to a church, I'm not asking for a lecture about Jesus dying for my sins. I get all of it and yet I still choose not to be a Christian and still celebrate Christmas with my family. I'm truly sad that it bothers you. Before you apply that "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" bumper sticker to your Landrover, perhaps you should take some time to really look into the origins of the holiday and then decide if it matters that non-Christians are celebrating it.





6. TV - Where are all my favorite shows? Contrary to how it might appear on this blog, I don't really watch that much television. I don't have a lot of time to sit in front of the TV, but there are a few things I do make time for every week. So when The Man and I cuddle up together in anticipation of the newest episode of "The Big Bang Theory" and Penny walks in with long hair, I am mad. Seriously? Do I have to endure reruns til January? And then when there is a new episode, guess what, it's Christmas themed. Can I not escape from the madness?

7. Broken Ornaments - For the past couple of years I've let Munchkin decorate the tree. I decorate my mom and dad's tree for them every year so frankly, when it comes time to decorate our little tree I've kinda lost the momentum. But it all works out because Munchkin loves doing it. However, this year she did not stick to the unbreakable ornaments like she did last year (totally my fault for not supervising) and therefore, thanks to our cats, we have had several broken glass balls all over our floor already. I'm not attached to any of these ornaments so it's not the sentimental value, it's the glass in my foot that really bugs me about the whole thing. I'm pretty sure I have a piece in there so deep it will just live forever in my foot. It's a part of me now. I sort of wish they'd all just break already so we can be done with it.

8. Egg Nog - Goober loves this stuff. It hits our grocery store shelves around the end of September and I try to keep him from noticing as long as I can. $4.29 for a quart of flavored thick milk? WTF? I don't hate egg nog, but I don't go all crazy for it either. Goober would happily drink three glasses of it every day if I'd let him so we have to ration it out for him. Every day I get the same question numerous times, "Mommy? Can I have some egg nog?" - sometimees followed by, "Mommy! We're out of egg nog!" - and every time I walk out the door, "Mommy, can you pick up some egg nog while you're out?"  He'll try anything egg nog flavored - it's his favorite stuff ever. Luckily it's only around for the last few months of the year.

9. Fat - Pretty much every day of my life I tell myself I need to stop eating so much crap and start exercising. This is not something that only happens during the holidays. But the holidays add a whole new level of hopelessness to the idea. There is no way in hell I'm going to be able to avoid chocolate covered deliciousness and homebaked amazingness and candy coated wonderfulment. There's something amazing within reach pretty much constantly from Thanksgiving until mid January. There's a reason so many people start dieting in January - it's not the promising newness of the fresh new year, it's the fact they've gorged themselves so heavily over the last two months that they feel like reincarnated versions of the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

10. Christmas Fashion - Sure, I've made a few bucks selling ugly Christmas sweaters in the past and I'm thankful for that. But people take this Christmas dressing to a whole new level. If your clothing lights up or makes noise, it is not acceptable. And to my younger counterparts, we gave you slutty Halloween costumes, you do not get to carry it on to Christmas. You are not Santa's slutty little helper. Put some damn clothes on. Baby Jesus is crying.

Top Ten Tuesday - Things no one tells you when you have more than one kid

Top Ten Tuesday was yesterday but I was distracted and forgot to post it. I hope y'all will forgive me. Today I give you a good one, too. 

The Top Ten Things No One Tells You When You Become a Mom to More Than One Child:

1. You will cook. All day long. These people never stop wanting to eat. With that cooking comes cleaning up the mess you made cooking. Your kids will want more than one meal every day and in addition to all that, they’ll even want snacks. And they’re sloppy and make messes when they eat. You’ll have to clean up those messes, too. It will become your responsibility to not only make the food for your family, but to make sure it is in the refrigerator and pantry, too. Which means you will come to know the checkout people at your local grocery store by first name. You will feel the need to justify your choice of Fruit Loops and Corn Pops to them. (They were BOGO.)

2. You will get a minivan. I know, I know, you think it will never happen now. You’re way too cool for a minivan. But at some point you’ll realize that this is truly the most economical and practical way to transport your family. You can fit a hell of a lot of crap in the minivan and it doesn't take an entire oil field to drive it like that mega SUV your neighbor drives. Your minivan will have at least one random goldfish cracker meshed somewhere in the carpet and there will be something sticky in the cup holder in the third row. Shhhh… don’t fight it.

3. You will only get pedicures when you are going to weddings and gynecologist appointments. Say goodbye to your pretty toes. Sure, you might slap some paint on them yourself every once in a while, or even let your daughter do it for you when she gets into that pre-teen nail polish obsessed phase. (Electric blue raspberry? Sure!) But you’ll rarely grace the luxurious heated massage pedicure chairs of your local salon once you have kids. When you finally do get to the salon, it will feel so amazing that you’ll tell yourself you’re going to make it a regular thing. But you won’t. I don’t know why, you just won’t.

4. You will get sick. Kids are germ factories. You will get every cold, flu, and funk that they bring into your home. When they are sick, they will get to lie around on the couch watching TV and whining that their tummy hurts while you run around the house fetching them things, making them soup (see #1), and taking their temperature. When you are sick, you will get to continue to make them food and clean up messes, while they run around the house making more messes and taking advantage of your weakened state.

5. You will no longer buy anything for yourself. Ever. And yet you will spend more money at Target on every shopping trip than you can possibly imagine. Gone are the days when you would frivolously purchase yourself a nice handbag or a pair of designer shoes at the mall. Now you’ll hunt the clearance bin at TJ Maxx when you need a pair of shoes for yourself because you have some event you have to go to and the soles of your only good pair of shoes dry rotted from lack of use. You’ll find some that almost, not quite, but they will have to do for whatever occasion you need them for... and you’ll also find a pair of sneakers for one of your children because he has literally worn a hole through the pair you bought him three months ago when school started. His shoes will cost more than your shoes and he will grow out of them in five weeks.

6. You will totally screw up stuff. You will curse in front of your children. You will say things you don’t mean and wish you could take back. You will forget to pay for field trips before the due date and your child will wear dirty clothes, inside out clothes, and his sister’s clothes to school because you weren't paying attention. You will oversleep, you will feed them dinner at 10 pm, you will feed them McDonald’s. These things will happen. More than once.

7. You will experience judgment. Other moms, your mother in law, your sister, your best friend. They will say well-intended judgey things at some point and you will be hurt by them. Everyone parents differently and no one is 100% right or wrong. Take this experience and try to apply it to yourself so you can avoid saying judgey things to someone else. But when you do say something judgey and you catch yourself doing it (because you will), try not to beat yourself up about it. Apologize if you can and move on.

8. You will hide treats. Not like you hide your kid's Halloween candy for their own good, no. I mean, you will hide a container of Häagen-Dazs^® in the back of your freezer simply because you want it all for yourself. If they sniff it out you will get nothing, so you have to hide it if you ever plan on tasting that decadent chocolate chocolate chip ice cream ever again. They are like locusts.

9. You will put sleep above all other needs. You will find that an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep is the thing you want more than anything at almost any time.  Even when your babies become children and they sleep for 10 or 11 hours at a time, you’ll find that you never get a full night’s sleep. You will find that you stay up for hours after your darlings to go to bed because that’s the only time you can seem to get anything done. You will have laundry to finish up so they can wear clean clothes to school the next day. You will have papers to sign so their teachers think you actually looked in their backpacks. You will try to watch television shows you can’t watch when they are awake because they’re all either too sexual or too violent. This includes the news. On an average night you’ll get to sleep by 1 and wake up by 6 to wake all of them up so they can be to the bus on time.

10. You will not consider changing it for the world. It’s funny how that works. Somehow you will become the least selfish person in the entire world and you will be happy to do it. Sure, you’ll allow yourself the tiniest daydreams occasionally of what it would be like if you had made different choices – but in the end, you know you’d never do it differently. Your children will be the best thing you ever did and your tired, ratty-toed self wouldn't know what to do with herself if they weren't around.

Carnivores don't like vegetarian chili

So I promised to update as to how Meatless Monday went.

You would have thought I was feeding them gruel. Maybe gruel would have actually gone over better.

I made a delicious vegetarian chili. I didn't really follow a recipe - I added garbanzo beans, a couple of different kinds of pinto beans, black beans, diced tomatoes, a can of corn, and a whole bunch of seasoning. And I made delicious cornbread to go along with it.  Our meal wasn't vegan because I served it with sour cream and cheese as garnish.  In the future I might grab some vegan sour cream and cheese just to complete the animal free-ness, but I already had the cheese and sour cream in the fridge so I just went with that.

Goober literally just licked the spoon, he would not ingest a bean. He ate a lot of cornbread. The Man made his way through it and remarked on how healthy it must be. He also ate a lot of cornbread.  Bug was at a boy scout meeting and ate before he left so he was spared the horror of the meatless chili.

Munchkin and I thought it was great, so there's that. I do love that kid so very much. I even ate it for lunch the next day.

So next Monday I'll have to try something different for Meatless Monday. Not sure what, but unless it's Tofurky I'm pretty sure it will go over better than my vegetarian chili.