The Internet is my sinkhole.

I'm bubbling with words, y'all.

So much thinking going on in my head and I want to get it all out on to the page - but I just can't seem to put it together coherently.

The inside of my head is like one of those houses on hoarders. It's all covered in broken appliances and trash and cat poo.  But in between all the ten year old pieces of mail and receipts for groceries that have long ago rotted, there is real gold in there. Real thoughts that need to be spoken.

I have this fantasy that I go somewhere that there is no Internet, no TV, no radio, no distractions. Just me and my computer and my words. How on earth do people turn out books these days? How do they keep themselves from being distracted by all the shiny squirrels running around? Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and YouTube and Ellen DeGeneres and men who get swallowed up by sinkholes and snowstorms and the latest dumb drama going on in that Facebook group they lurk in.

Every time I start to have a thought that I think might really be valuable, another damn shiny squirrel goes running by and I'm clickety clicking away.

I need a retreat. The Internet is my sinkhole.

Maybe I won't have to drive anywhere between now and Monday....

My drivers license is expired. It expired on my birthday last week. I fully intended on getting it renewed before my birthday, but evidently I can't renew it online this time so I have to go to the DMV to do it.  Which doesn't sound so bad... except it is that bad. Down here, we can make an appointment to get our license renewed, or we can go wait in line all day long with all the other procrastinators who didn't make an appointment.

I hate waiting in line. Waiting in line is quite possibly the most irritating thing in the universe to me. It's time suckage.  Not that I always use my time wisely or that I'm even very productive... but being forced to spend hours waiting in a line forces me to think about all the things that I could be doing if I weren't waiting in line.

I have thirty loads of laundry to do. I'm only exaggerating that a little bit. I might not be exaggerating it at all. I'm not sure.  I could be doing laundry if I weren't waiting in line. The kitchen could really use a good cleaning. It's probably getting dirtier while I'm waiting in this line. There is probably some sort of bacteria growing rampant right now in my kitchen sink on a dish that was left in there overnight. It's going to be out of control by the time I get out of this line. I probably have some things I need to ship. If I weren't in this line I would have shipped them. Customers would be happier if I weren't in this line. All of my problems would be solved if I just didn't have to wait in this damn line!

So I decided to make an appointment. I didn't even really procrastinate that much because it was late January when I logged on to make an appointment to get my drivers license renewed. I didn't think that was procrastinating, but I guess it was because the earliest appointment they had was March 4th. But by March 4th my drivers license would have already been expired.  My only other option was to wait in line.

So I weighed my options. Wait in line for hours, driving myself crazy, and get it renewed before my birthday; or make the March 4th appointment, pay the $20 extra fee, and pray I don't get pulled over for the 9 days that my license would be expired.

So my license is expired.

Now, if you're a deeply committed Domestic Spaz reader (and if you are then you actually probably should be committed) you might remember back in 2008 when I was last at the DMV they had me take a little eye exam. And I failed it. But due to the nature of the safety measures put in place by the lovely people at the DMV, they just let me have my license anyhow.

This time, I thought that maybe, just maybe, they'd probably make me take that little eye exam again and maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't just let me have my license anyhow.  So I figured it was probably about time for me to go ahead and get my eyes checked.

Have you been to an eye doctor lately? I hadn't before yesterday. Times have changed, y'all.  There was this little box I could check on the paperwork that said something like "If you don't want to stumble around blinded and crying fluorescent yellow tears for the next few hours, check this box and we'll just take a picture of the back of your eyes instead of dilating them." 

Yes, please.

So they took a picture of the back of my eye and my new awesome eye doctor took the time to show me the picture on the computer. He pointed out the dark spot that showed where my vision was actually focusing and why I couldn't see correctly. He told me how beautiful and healthy my eyes were. Shucks.

Then he showed me all kinds of other messed up eyes. Scarred eyes, diabetic eyes, eyes with glaucoma, eyes that were practically blind. He took the time to show me all these pictures and explain them to me and I was all "This is the coolest thing EVER."

And then my new awesome eye doctor gave me contacts and I could see. Like, perfectly. 

So now I'm all ready for my appointment on Monday. Except for the myriad of paperwork I need to track down between now and then to prove I'm really me. Good thing we only have to do this every 4 years.