Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Top Ten Tuesday - Things To Accomplish In 2015

It's the New Year's edition of Top Ten Tuesday so I'll be predictably listing the Top Ten Things I'd Like To Accomplish In 2015 - shocker!

1. Organize my house - Y'all, it is total chaos up in here. We've got too much stuff and too many people and it's taking over. I think we might be able to be a candidate for Hoarders except I'd be the only person on the show ever that told them to throw it all out. I would need no psychological intervention, I would simply need one of those amazing 1-800-GOT-JUNK trucks to back up to my front door and I'd start pitching it all in gladly. Buh bye.

I've tried the FlyLady system, I've tried the "Clean It All In One Weekend" system, I've tried everything that I can do by myself so now I'm moving on to the "Get some of these other people to pick up after themselves" system. I think it's going to require a lot of nagging and bitching on my part but I don't care. It's time to change this. 2015 will be the year of the purge.

2. Get back on eBay - Haha, if you've ever sold on eBay you know that this directly contradicts the year of the purge. To tell you all the truth, I miss it. I miss finding great stuff to list, dealing with those awesome customers who make me smile, watching my auctions close and seeing how high I can sell something for. I don't miss the crabby customers and eBay's oppressive hand, but you can't have everything.

3. Paint more - I really do love it. Whether it's at a BYOB class, at home, or on the patio with my friends, painting relaxes me and feeds my creativity. I don't think the paintings I'm making are anything amazing, but I'm happy to create them anyway.

4. Get healthy - So tired of feeling tired and lethargic. I was told earlier this year by an RN that I am super anemic which could be the source of a lot of my constant tired feelings. Just about a week ago I discovered that Bolthouse Farms makes a juice called "Daily Greens" and one bottle has almost 100% of the RDA for iron. This is HUGE.

If you've ever tried to find high in iron foods at the grocery store you'll notice that the best you might find is 10% in a can of vegetable beef soup. Believe me, Munchkin and I took this mission. It's a wonder every person in the USA isn't anemic based on how much iron you find in our every day foods. You have to eat a lot of iron rich foods to reach that RDA.

So anyway, I picked up a bunch of Daily Greens (I clean bought Publix out of it) and I've been drinking a bottle almost ever day (some days I forget). I won't lie, it tastes like dirty hay, but I'll choke it down anyway if it makes me feel better. And it has made me feel better, really. I need to be more diligent about it but I'm definitely noticing more energy. That, combined with trying to make better choices and keeping moving with my FitBit has me feeling good about being healthier this year.

5. Do yoga - Yoga not only helps my body, but my mental state. I used to do it almost daily and then fell out of practice. Since then I've gained a ton of weight and the poses I used to do are so much harder to do so I just sorta stopped altogether. I have to get back to yoga. Namaste.

6. Get to the Dharma Center - We have a great little Buddhist Center close by and I have never been. I guess I felt intimidated going to a new place, but I really want to get over there. I had made tentative plans with an old friend of mine that I had reconnected with on Facebook to go this year but sadly, my old friend Kymmie passed away before we could ever make it. I want to go this year for me and for Kymmie.

7. Dance more - It's true. I love to dance. I've got the boogie fever. I don't get out much anymore to go dancing but that shouldn't stop me. With my fancy new Crushers I can boogie right here at home while I do the dishes. It makes me feel better, makes me smile, and helps burn off the Toblerone.

(7 1/2 - stop eating so much Toblerone.)

8. Start a new business venture - Details coming later. Maybe.

9. Keep my car clean - Oh my goodness. I got a new to me van in April and vowed to keep it nice and clean. It's not as much of a disaster as my old van, but she could seriously use a good vacuum and purging of miscellaneous impedimenta. I need to set up some sort of a system there. It will probably involve 31 bags and more nagging of my children.

10. Spend more time with The Man - It seems like lately a date for us is going to the Walmart at 2 AM without the kids. So romantic. We get a bunch of necessities and then I fall asleep on a treadmill while The Man looks through the sporting goods section. We really need to carve out a little more time just the two of us and this year is the year to make that a priority. Date night? What? Sounds like a plan to me!

Monday, December 29, 2014

FitBit in Spazland

We had a very Merry Christmas here in Spazland. The day was filled with excitement from the late afternoon on Christmas Eve until we all collapsed exhausted into our beds in the wee hours of the morning on December 26th.

I was the proud recipient of those Skullcandy Crushers I had on my wishlist (I can't hear the kids at all anymore - it's amazing) and the FitBit Flex I have wanted for forever.

The FitBit has become a bit of an obsession. December 26th was the first day I wore it the entire day and I was determined to get my 10,000 steps in. Now, my phone has always had an app on it that tells me how many steps I've taken each day and it sadly normally falls between two and three thousand. I realize I don't carry my phone around with me every where I go - but I was pretty sure I don't hit ten thousand steps on a regular basis.

I was right.

I went about my day on Friday as I normally would and was still under four thousand steps when the evening rolled around. The Man and I decided to go for a walk in which I was determined to finish off my goal. We walked for two miles and I still hadn't reached it. Even Sudo was tired after that walk. I ended up walking around the house until my FitBit went all nutty lighting up and buzzing to let me know I'd reached my goal.


Somewhere along the way I must have damaged my right ankle, though, because I woke up on Saturday barely able to walk at all. It wasn't until after 11 pm that I realized walking in place (or walking backwards) didn't hurt. I got myself up to over seven thousand steps by walking in place Saturday night while watching Family Guy reruns in the bedroom.

Now I've got myself locked in a FitBit challenge with two of my FitBit wearing besties on who can take the most steps for the work week. One of us is currently on a hike with our cub scouts. It's not me. I'm screwed.

But the ultimate goal with the FitBit is definitely being accomplished. I'm moving a lot more and definitely motivated to try to get close to my daily goals if not meet them (my ankle's feeling much better today so I'll be walking more this evening).

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Top Ten Tuesday - Last Minute Gift Ideas

It's December 23rd. A mere two days before the big event. I've shopped til I've dropped, I've wrapped, I've selected the perfect gifts and the not-so-perfect gifts. At this point, I'm just ready to heavily imbibe on Christmas Day and hope everyone sorta likes what I picked out for them.

But I'm willing to bet there are a few of you out there who are still racking your brain for some idea of what to do for someone. Maybe it's Aunt Agnes or maybe it's that guy your sister is bringing to Christmas (what was his name again?) and you feel like he should have something to open. Today's Top Ten Tuesday post is for you. Today I bring you the Top Ten Last Minute Christmas Gifts. 

Here goes....

1. Mason Jar Anything - It's a thing, y'all. People put anything in a Mason Jar and call it a gift. Mason Jars are so freaking in right now.  The ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies? Put them in the jar. Sugar hand scrub? In the jar. Manicure kit in a jar, soup mix in a jar, sewing kit in a jar, puzzle in a jar, the possibilities are endless. And people like the jars. Get blue tinted jars if you really want to be crazy.

2. Money In A Card - Nothing says "I couldn't think of a thing to get you but I guess you're worth Fifty Bucks" more than money in a card. This gift is totally tacky for anyone over the age of 20, but it really hits the spot for teenagers. They love money and they hate getting a polo shirt for Christmas. So drop some cash in a silly card and call it a day. Your nephew will totally be thrilled. If you just can't stand the thought of putting the green stuff in a card, give an Amazon gift card instead. It's pretty much cash (and it'll pass for an adult gift, too).

3. A Bottle Of Wine - Pick it up at the grocery store on your way to the party. Don't give this to the teenagers. If you want to get crazy, download some wine app on your phone and it'll tell you which bottle to buy. But I just usually pick something with a quirky label. You can usually find a silly wine gift bag next to the wine at the store. Grab that, too. Kick it up a notch and buy full fledged booze instead. Cupcake vodka, what?? You're now the life of the party.

4. A Blanket - Super fuzzy, super cozy, everyone uses them and you can never have too many. You can pick them up at Walmart, Target, the mall, I even saw some at Publix the other day. Blankets give people a sense of comfort and they come in all ranges of cost to fit whatever budget you're looking for. No one doesn't want a blanket. Even kids. Munchkin drags a blanket around with her everywhere and has since she could walk. She's cuddled up in one right in front of me as I type.

5. An "Of The Month" subscription. Some of these can get pretty pricey, but damn, you really can find something for everyone. Bacon of the month, Coffee of the month, Teddy Bear of the month, Pickle of the month, College Care Package of the month, and if you can't narrow it down there are Variety of the month packages. And you can also keep reminding your gift recipient of how awesome you are, every single month. Win.

6. Headphones - Pretty much everyone uses headphones. Everyone's got a phone, a tablet, whatever and they're all listening to something they don't want anyone around them to know they're listening to. Headphones are a great gift and you can get decent ear buds for kids for less than $10 or you can go all Beats by Dre for hundreds. I've got a pair of Skullcandy Crushers on my own wish list this year.

7.  Baked Goods - I don't know if I'd call these last minute but my kids disagree. Probably because time is irrelevant to them. At any rate, everyone loves a good cookie and they'll appreciate that you took the time to make them yourself. For extra points, use this Pringle can hack to deliver them.

8. Massage or Spa Day - This isn't the perfect gift for everyone, but if you know of someone who likes to do this kind of thing, this just might be the right last minute gift for them. Maybe a mom who runs herself ragged most of the year? A gift of a time-out might be just the thing. Not for me, personally, though. People touching me is weird.

9. Car Wash - Anyone with a car can use this and would probably greatly appreciate it. A coupon for a car wash and wax - a detail if you really love them? Cha-ching! There's nothing greater than a freshly cleaned car with lemon scent. I learned that at a young age from my mom.

10. Experiences - Give your little brother a couple of movie tickets to take his girlfriend out. Maybe your nephew would like a day playing paintball (check Groupon). Go out to the ballgame with your dad. A trinket will give them a little joy for a little while, but the memory of spending time with someone they love doing something they love will last forever.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and here's to a Peaceful and Prosperous New Year!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Take In The Sails & Batten Down The Hatches - Things Are About To Get Rough In Here

This year my kids turned 11, 13, and 15. Just looking at that sentence makes my heart leap into my throat just a little bit. As is clearly indicated by those numbers, I'm venturing into uncharted territory. I'm about to be raising three teenagers.

So far Bug hasn't given me too much drama. Sure, there have been a couple of girlfriends and getting him to do homework has been a nightmare - but basically he's a pretty easy going kid. I like him, we get along pretty well, he has good intentions if not always the best carry out. His 15th birthday was a mere 5 days ago and I've been holding my breath a little ever since.

The year I turned 15 was the year I really became a teenager. I struggled with my identity, I fought for my independence, I rebelled, I stopped riding horses so much and I started riding in cars with boys. That was the year I stopped being a little girl.

I wonder if maybe boys don't go through quite as much of a tumultuous year at this time because Bug seems to be a lot less emotional than I was at this age. I am bracing myself for it, ready to help him navigate whatever crazy teenage angst comes our way, but relieved that we haven't hit it yet.

Munchkin, on the other hand, is sailing her ship straight into rough seas. Everything is dramatic. Everything is the end of the world. Everything is the biggest deal EVER.  This morning she let me know she only has two pair of jeans that fit her and they were both dirty and therefore she just couldn't go to school because it would be social suicide and how could I not understand this?  I made it clear to her, in no uncertain terms, that she was much better off at school in dirty jeans than here with me.

While I realize that these little dramatic episodes are not the worst thing I can hope for when dealing with a teenage girl, I feel like it's a glimmer of what's to come in a couple of years - when she's 15. I'm going to need a life jacket.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Top Ten Tuesday - I Can't Wait Til After Christmas

So maybe Top Ten Tuesday is the ONLY thing I can manage to keep up with. I've started a few blog posts this week but nothing stuck. Ah, well. On to the list!

Top Ten Reasons I Can't Wait For December 26th

1. Christmas Music - It starts way too early nowadays. Remember when stores used to wait until after Thanksgiving to assault you with constant renditions of "Grandma Got Run-over By A Reindeer" and "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"? Right, so I used to be able to last a month. But now they start around November 1st when I'm snatching up all the half price Halloween candy. So by December 10th I'm ready to wear earmuffs everywhere I go just to avoid another version of "The Little Drummer Boy" before I lose it and go to jail for bashing in department store speaker systems.

2. Gift Exchanges - I have three children and they all have activities. It's around the beginning of December that we start to get requests for gift exchanges. Often they have a small limit of $5 or maybe it's a book exchange or an ornament exchange. But they are many and they are irritating. Just the simple fact that I now have to drop whatever I am doing and go into a store (cue "Frosty the Snowman") and find something that's not too terrible for $5 is enough to make me crazy. And then it has to be wrapped or in a gift bag or something. Do the people planning these gift exchanges think the kids actually have any part in this at all? And then my child comes home with an Olaf mug that asks if I want to build a snowman.

3. Expectations - This year we have told the kids we are not buying Christmas presents. I made this proclamation at about this exact time last year when I sat in the middle of our family room, surrounded by hundreds of dollars worth of consumerism and wrapping paper. It is ridiculous. This year we are focusing on giving rather than receiving and the kids have been told this all year long. However, they will still get presents from their grandparents and aunts and uncles and they know this. So I think the lesson may have been lost on them. But the saddest part of it is that I think it's all our fault as their parents. We try so very hard to provide them everything they wish for this time of year, like it's their right just for wishing it. I have a great time buying presents for the kids, I do. But when I realize they are going into the holiday with expectations of receiving everything their little hearts desire, I realize they have no real comprehension of the meaning behind Christmas.

4. Traffic - Down here in South Florida this is our season. Everyone who has been freezing their asses off wants to visit Florida for the holidays. Down here we can go to the beach on Christmas Day. We can shop for gifts in our flip flops and drink iced tea in a tank top next to the holiday light display downtown. Everyone wants a piece of that and they all drive down here to get it. Unfortunately they don't know where they are going and their Aunt Margaret who has a condo in Boca Raton can barely see over the steering wheel so she's no help. About this time of year we have no rush hour, we have rush week. Except it's a lot less fun than it was in college. The roads are packed with slow drivers, the malls are packed with slow walkers, and if your procrastinating self thinks you can just run in and grab a gift for that gift exchange you've got going on tonight - well you should just think again.

5. Self-righteous Christians - I'm probably going to get crucified for this one. Unless I'm going to a church, I'm not asking for a lecture about Jesus dying for my sins. I get all of it and yet I still choose not to be a Christian and still celebrate Christmas with my family. I'm truly sad that it bothers you. Before you apply that "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" bumper sticker to your Landrover, perhaps you should take some time to really look into the origins of the holiday and then decide if it matters that non-Christians are celebrating it.

6. TV - Where are all my favorite shows? Contrary to how it might appear on this blog, I don't really watch that much television. I don't have a lot of time to sit in front of the TV, but there are a few things I do make time for every week. So when The Man and I cuddle up together in anticipation of the newest episode of "The Big Bang Theory" and Penny walks in with long hair, I am mad. Seriously? Do I have to endure reruns til January? And then when there is a new episode, guess what, it's Christmas themed. Can I not escape from the madness?

7. Broken Ornaments - For the past couple of years I've let Munchkin decorate the tree. I decorate my mom and dad's tree for them every year so frankly, when it comes time to decorate our little tree I've kinda lost the momentum. But it all works out because Munchkin loves doing it. However, this year she did not stick to the unbreakable ornaments like she did last year (totally my fault for not supervising) and therefore, thanks to our cats, we have had several broken glass balls all over our floor already. I'm not attached to any of these ornaments so it's not the sentimental value, it's the glass in my foot that really bugs me about the whole thing. I'm pretty sure I have a piece in there so deep it will just live forever in my foot. It's a part of me now. I sort of wish they'd all just break already so we can be done with it.

8. Egg Nog - Goober loves this stuff. It hits our grocery store shelves around the end of September and I try to keep him from noticing as long as I can. $4.29 for a quart of flavored thick milk? WTF? I don't hate egg nog, but I don't go all crazy for it either. Goober would happily drink three glasses of it every day if I'd let him so we have to ration it out for him. Every day I get the same question numerous times, "Mommy? Can I have some egg nog?" - sometimees followed by, "Mommy! We're out of egg nog!" - and every time I walk out the door, "Mommy, can you pick up some egg nog while you're out?"  He'll try anything egg nog flavored - it's his favorite stuff ever. Luckily it's only around for the last few months of the year.

9. Fat - Pretty much every day of my life I tell myself I need to stop eating so much crap and start exercising. This is not something that only happens during the holidays. But the holidays add a whole new level of hopelessness to the idea. There is no way in hell I'm going to be able to avoid chocolate covered deliciousness and homebaked amazingness and candy coated wonderfulment. There's something amazing within reach pretty much constantly from Thanksgiving until mid January. There's a reason so many people start dieting in January - it's not the promising newness of the fresh new year, it's the fact they've gorged themselves so heavily over the last two months that they feel like reincarnated versions of the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

10. Christmas Fashion - Sure, I've made a few bucks selling ugly Christmas sweaters in the past and I'm thankful for that. But people take this Christmas dressing to a whole new level. If your clothing lights up or makes noise, it is not acceptable. And to my younger counterparts, we gave you slutty Halloween costumes, you do not get to carry it on to Christmas. You are not Santa's slutty little helper. Put some damn clothes on. Baby Jesus is crying.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Top Ten Tuesday - Things no one tells you when you have more than one kid

Top Ten Tuesday was yesterday but I was distracted and forgot to post it. I hope y'all will forgive me. Today I give you a good one, too. 

The Top Ten Things No One Tells You When You Become a Mom to More Than One Child:

1. You will cook. All day long. These people never stop wanting to eat. With that cooking comes cleaning up the mess you made cooking. Your kids will want more than one meal every day and in addition to all that, they’ll even want snacks. And they’re sloppy and make messes when they eat. You’ll have to clean up those messes, too. It will become your responsibility to not only make the food for your family, but to make sure it is in the refrigerator and pantry, too. Which means you will come to know the checkout people at your local grocery store by first name. You will feel the need to justify your choice of Fruit Loops and Corn Pops to them. (They were BOGO.)

2. You will get a minivan. I know, I know, you think it will never happen now. You’re way too cool for a minivan. But at some point you’ll realize that this is truly the most economical and practical way to transport your family. You can fit a hell of a lot of crap in the minivan and it doesn't take an entire oil field to drive it like that mega SUV your neighbor drives. Your minivan will have at least one random goldfish cracker meshed somewhere in the carpet and there will be something sticky in the cup holder in the third row. Shhhh… don’t fight it.

3. You will only get pedicures when you are going to weddings and gynecologist appointments. Say goodbye to your pretty toes. Sure, you might slap some paint on them yourself every once in a while, or even let your daughter do it for you when she gets into that pre-teen nail polish obsessed phase. (Electric blue raspberry? Sure!) But you’ll rarely grace the luxurious heated massage pedicure chairs of your local salon once you have kids. When you finally do get to the salon, it will feel so amazing that you’ll tell yourself you’re going to make it a regular thing. But you won’t. I don’t know why, you just won’t.

4. You will get sick. Kids are germ factories. You will get every cold, flu, and funk that they bring into your home. When they are sick, they will get to lie around on the couch watching TV and whining that their tummy hurts while you run around the house fetching them things, making them soup (see #1), and taking their temperature. When you are sick, you will get to continue to make them food and clean up messes, while they run around the house making more messes and taking advantage of your weakened state.

5. You will no longer buy anything for yourself. Ever. And yet you will spend more money at Target on every shopping trip than you can possibly imagine. Gone are the days when you would frivolously purchase yourself a nice handbag or a pair of designer shoes at the mall. Now you’ll hunt the clearance bin at TJ Maxx when you need a pair of shoes for yourself because you have some event you have to go to and the soles of your only good pair of shoes dry rotted from lack of use. You’ll find some that almost, not quite, but they will have to do for whatever occasion you need them for... and you’ll also find a pair of sneakers for one of your children because he has literally worn a hole through the pair you bought him three months ago when school started. His shoes will cost more than your shoes and he will grow out of them in five weeks.

6. You will totally screw up stuff. You will curse in front of your children. You will say things you don’t mean and wish you could take back. You will forget to pay for field trips before the due date and your child will wear dirty clothes, inside out clothes, and his sister’s clothes to school because you weren't paying attention. You will oversleep, you will feed them dinner at 10 pm, you will feed them McDonald’s. These things will happen. More than once.

7. You will experience judgment. Other moms, your mother in law, your sister, your best friend. They will say well-intended judgey things at some point and you will be hurt by them. Everyone parents differently and no one is 100% right or wrong. Take this experience and try to apply it to yourself so you can avoid saying judgey things to someone else. But when you do say something judgey and you catch yourself doing it (because you will), try not to beat yourself up about it. Apologize if you can and move on.

8. You will hide treats. Not like you hide your kid's Halloween candy for their own good, no. I mean, you will hide a container of Häagen-Dazs® in the back of your freezer simply because you want it all for yourself. If they sniff it out you will get nothing, so you have to hide it if you ever plan on tasting that decadent chocolate chocolate chip ice cream ever again. They are like locusts.

9. You will put sleep above all other needs. You will find that an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep is the thing you want more than anything at almost any time.  Even when your babies become children and they sleep for 10 or 11 hours at a time, you’ll find that you never get a full night’s sleep. You will find that you stay up for hours after your darlings to go to bed because that’s the only time you can seem to get anything done. You will have laundry to finish up so they can wear clean clothes to school the next day. You will have papers to sign so their teachers think you actually looked in their backpacks. You will try to watch television shows you can’t watch when they are awake because they’re all either too sexual or too violent. This includes the news. On an average night you’ll get to sleep by 1 and wake up by 6 to wake all of them up so they can be to the bus on time.

10. You will not consider changing it for the world. It’s funny how that works. Somehow you will become the least selfish person in the entire world and you will be happy to do it. Sure, you’ll allow yourself the tiniest daydreams occasionally of what it would be like if you had made different choices – but in the end, you know you’d never do it differently. Your children will be the best thing you ever did and your tired, ratty-toed self wouldn't know what to do with herself if they weren't around.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Carnivores don't like vegetarian chili

So I promised to update as to how Meatless Monday went.

You would have thought I was feeding them gruel. Maybe gruel would have actually gone over better.

I made a delicious vegetarian chili. I didn't really follow a recipe - I added garbanzo beans, a couple of different kinds of pinto beans, black beans, diced tomatoes, a can of corn, and a whole bunch of seasoning. And I made delicious cornbread to go along with it.  Our meal wasn't vegan because I served it with sour cream and cheese as garnish.  In the future I might grab some vegan sour cream and cheese just to complete the animal free-ness, but I already had the cheese and sour cream in the fridge so I just went with that.

Goober literally just licked the spoon, he would not ingest a bean. He ate a lot of cornbread. The Man made his way through it and remarked on how healthy it must be. He also ate a lot of cornbread.  Bug was at a boy scout meeting and ate before he left so he was spared the horror of the meatless chili.

Munchkin and I thought it was great, so there's that. I do love that kid so very much. I even ate it for lunch the next day.

So next Monday I'll have to try something different for Meatless Monday. Not sure what, but unless it's Tofurky I'm pretty sure it will go over better than my vegetarian chili.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Top Ten Tuesday - Beverly Goldberg's Top Ten Quotes

Do you watch The Goldbergs? Do you??

Seriously, The Goldbergs is quite possibly my favorite show on TV right now. Well, maybe that's Parenthood, actually. But Parenthood is ending in just a few weeks (and I'm so freaking sad about it you.don't.even.know) so The Goldbergs is kinda winning the edge there.

The show comes from the perspective of Adam Goldberg, Murray and Beverly Goldberg's youngest son and tells the story of what it was like to grow up in the 80's with his parents, his brother, Barry, his sister, Erica, and his grandfather, Pops. Everyone in the show is hilarious, really.

But one character shines above all of them.

Beverly Goldberg.

Maybe I love Beverly the most because she's the mom, and I'm the mom, and therefore I find myself connected to her. Beverly is the original "smother". She loves her children with a fierceness no one can describe. She rocks a theme sweater and a majestic blonde head full of Aqua Net. She is kinda my hero.

So today, for Top Ten Tuesday (maybe this will be a thing, eh?) I give you my Top Ten List of Beverly Goldman Quotes:

1. When Adam decides to audition for a part in Jesus Christ Superstar:

Nothing less than the best for Beverly's babies. I am in awe of her undying dedication and blind appreciation of her children. As a Girl Scout leader, Beverly is quite possibly the scariest mom I can even think of. But as a mom, she's my idol. 

2. When Adam does not get the part of Jesus, Beverly finds him crying in his room:

I think every mother has felt this way before. Regardless of whether my kid is right or wrong in whatever scenario is causing them to cry, if someone makes my baby cry I want to slowly torture them until they scream their apologies intermixed with cries for mercy. I mean, unless it's me making them cry. In which case, my kid totally deserved it.

3. When Beverly chaperones Adam's middle school dance and buys an outfit to match Adam's:

Hilarious! I would never do this to my kid. I would have died if my mom did this to me. But when Beverly does it? So endearing. 

4. When Beverly outlines the "Rules of the House" to Pops (her father) upon his moving in:

Beverly's love doesn't just extend to her kids, no. Beverly is a family woman. She is the ultimate matriarch. When Pops needs a place to stay for a while she insists he moves in. She transforms the attic into a beautiful and sophisticated bedroom for him and along with Murray's help she lays down the rules. 

5. When Beverly protects Barry from certain death at his first wrestling match:

I will never move! Beverly will go to any lengths to protect her precious babies. Even if it means socially crucifying them in the process.

6. When Beverly discovers she can get any picture printed on a t-shirt at a kiosk in the mall:

Do you ever look at your kid and find yourself amazed at the fact that you made that person? I do this all the time. It's incredible. It's the most awesome thing I've ever done. So when Beverly said this, I only related to her more. 

7. When Beverly uses guilt tears to manipulate Murray into renewing their vows:

Beverly does everything for her family. Every hour of every day is spent making a home for them, a loving, caring environment. Beverly is the ultimate mom. So when she hears that she could have another wedding? She could be a princess for one more day? She's all over that. And when Murray isn't on board she does what any woman worth her salt would do - she breaks out the guilt tears.

8. When Beverly takes Erica to a college expo and tells everyone how amazing she is:

"I don't want to build her up too much, but she is literally the best student that ever has been or will be."  (bonus quote!) Beverly has no doubt that her daughter is fabulous and she's not afraid to show her off. Just as every mother should be, Beverly is Erica's biggest cheerleader. 

9. When Beverly gives Barry a locket for his birthday:

He was expecting a car so it was a little bit of a let-down. But classic Beverly.

10. When Erica gets dumped by her boyfriend and Beverly can't handle her sadness any longer:

While it's not really about Beverly, it's really always about Beverly. 

Monday, December 1, 2014

Meatless Monday in the Spaz House

We had a lovely Thanksgiving in North Carolina with my family. It's a bit of an annual tradition to head up to my mom and dad's second home in the Great Smoky Mountains. All three of the Bs head up there with our families and pile into the house to eat and laugh and drink and eat and cook and bake and eat.

There is a lot of eating. My brother-in-law is an amazing cook. I've actually never eaten anything he's made that I didn't enjoy and he seems to really love to cook so a lot of food comes out of the kitchen when we're all together. And it's all good. So I eat a lot of it.

I don't know if I gained weight this past week but I'm pretty sure there's no way I didn't. I certainly didn't lose any. But more than the weight thing, I just feel a little full still. Even though it's Monday and we've been home since Saturday night. I feel like I'm still digesting.

As you may know, I've struggled with vegetarianism/veganism for years. I've been on the wagon, off the wagon, and halfway dangling off the wagon while trying to climb back on board as it clambers down the road.

Morally, I'm a vegan. When I think about it I feel terrible for eating any sort of animal product.(Except for Jojo's eggs. Jojo lives nearby and has the happiest chickens I've ever seen and I don't think there's a single thing morally wrong with eating the eggs they create.)  The Man, however, is kind of a carnivore.  He is seriously unhappy if he doesn't have meat. It has caused a few rifts in our home, actually, but in the end I knew him when we decided to mesh our lives together and it's not fair of me to expect him to change at this point. Believe me, I've tried to get him to see the light.

So in this house we buy and eat meat and dairy. I try to reduce it without causing too many waves in the house. I buy almond milk, I make substitutes when I can. I try to think of meals where the meat isn't the centerpiece of the meal.

But today will be the first day I implement Meatless Monday. The Man even agrees that there doesn't need to be so much meat in our diets, so he's on board. Not only will it reduce our meat intake for moral reasons, but it will be healthier and cheaper for us to go meatless one day a week. Excited? You betcha!

I'm pretty sure I'm making vegetarian chili for dinner tonight with cornbread (you can't have chili without cornbread), I'll report back on Wednesday to let y'all know how it goes.